Page 56 of Notorious Man on Campus

Except the way Brick looked at me when he knew he had to take Willow to the homecoming party. He looked regretful, I would swear it on my granny’s grave.

“Let’s not stand here in this dark cement hall waiting for him,” Jimmy says, taking my hand as another stranger says hello to him, waving like a maniac. “Let’s go back to BMOC House.”

I agree to it because it’s clear that Brick is stalling, taking longer than it should to finish with the press and dress and I know he’ll have to go home sometime. Besides, it’s also clear that Jimmy will be more comfortable away from all the football admirers.

* * *

We wait for Brick in the kitchen around the table with Dylan and Roman and Trey. Jimmy gives them his take on the game and they pepper him with questions about his time at SPU and about Brick as a child. No one touches the subject of why Jimmy left SPU.

When the back door crashes open and Brick walks in, I jump to my feet and rush to him as if I’m afraid he’ll run the other way because I am. He stiffens as he takes in the scene, his face a cold mask. When I reach him, he steps away from me and goes to the table to shake Jimmy’s hand as he stands. Jimmy hesitates a second and then takes him in a bro-hug, if brief.

“I thought you had a convention.”

Jimmy shakes his head. “Nope, but that’s another story.” He looks around and I get that he wants to talk privately. “Great game today.” He grins at Brick.

Brick nods. I can feel his tension.

The guys at the table laugh at the understatement and Dylan stands. “You probably want to catch up. Time I—we all—got ready for tonight’s party.” He practically lifts Roman from his chair and drags him away, but Trey gets the hint without prompting and salutes us. I don’t leave because… well I’m not sure. Maybe I should.

“Let’s go to your room,” Jimmy says quietly to me.

I lead us to my room and give Jimmy the chair forcing Brick to sit on the bed next to me. He makes sure there’s space between us, but I’m not above moving close when needed. Jimmy rolls the desk chair so he’ facing us.

“If this is about you and Nyla—

“Fuck no,” Jimmy says. “It’s the opposite of that. There was never really a ‘me and Nyla’.” He pauses a beat and it’s the first time I’ve ever seen Jimmy struggle. He clears his throat. “I’m gay, Brick.”

Jimmy’s words have the effect of sucking all the air from the room turning it into a vacuum, a frozen still and empty space waiting for the aftermath, for all the implications to rush in and fill the it up again, only different.

Chapter 26

Brick

“What the fuck?” I shoot to my feet. “Gay?” He nods and the implications of his words roll over me like a tank. “You lied, you pretended all these years, you let me think—”

“Whoa, slow down, I—”

“You let me think I betrayed you all these years.” I fist his shirt in my hands and lift him from the chair, backing him against the door. The rush of violence and anger sieze me and I want nothing more than to pummel him for the lies, the pretense, for every lost night of sleep because of the dreams I had about Nyla. The guilt killed me. Still kills me.

I drop my hands because I realize it doesn’t matter if he’s gay. I still betrayed him. He says nothing, but takes me in a hug, a strong heartfelt hug. I’m dimly aware that Nyla is in the room, more than figuratively although it seems she’s always been in the room with us. Shoving him away, I turn to Nyla.

“You knew.” I suck in breaths, but my chest is tight. “And you didn’t tell me? You let me think—”

“It wasn’t my place to tell you.” Tears stream down her face, but I know they’re not for her, they’re for me.

“Don’t blame her,” Jimmy says. “I asked her to keep my secret.”

“How long? For four fucking years?” Fucking son of a bitch. “You never said a word. And dad—did he know two? Did everyone know but me? When I was the one who needed to know most?” He says nothing and slumps in his chair. “This family is so fucked up.”

“No, don’t say that,” Nyla says. Her voice is strong and her tears have stopped.

“Why not? Where’s dad now? Vegas? Missing my game for—”

“He’s not in Vegas.” Jimmy’s perennial smile and good cheer us gone “He’s sick, Ricky.” It’s the first time he’s called me Ricky since… before mom died.

“Sick?” My heart lurches and I feel like I’m going to puke.

“He didn’t come to your game because he’s not up to it.”