Page 138 of Coveted

The dull pressure in my chest worsens.

What’s it called when you feel like a fish out of water every place you go?

Do I belong anywhere in this world?

Grabbing a can of apple cider, I sit on a folding chair between Linh and an old classmate named Holly to catch up on everything I’ve missed.

“How’s your family?” I ask Linh.

“They’re great! I’m helping out with my dad’s business. His bookkeeping’s a mess and I don’t know what he ever did without me, to be honest. He’s a landscaper,” adds Linh, like I need a nudge to remember, which I’m taken aback to find I do.

“Trent and I are training for a marathon,” says Holly, sipping her drink. “It’s a total pain, but it’ll be worth it in the end. Or so they say.”

“Like living,” I say offhand, gazing into the fire.

My remark is out of step with the conversation, making the others pause. They exchange a glance before continuing without commenting on what I said.

A familiar hot rush of shame travels up my body and I fall quiet.

This used to happen all the time, I realize. Whether with classmates or relatives or my ex, I never quite felt in sync with the people around me.

Figuring something was just wrong with my personality, I came to accept it. I still had friends in high school and they were generally nice to me.

But with Lucan, I never felt the need to edit or second-guess myself. He brought something out in me. Whether dark or light, it was real. It was me.

Earlier, I wondered if I could accept him, but maybe I should ask myself whether I could accept life without him. Whether I could ever go a single day without missing him terribly.

Is it possible neither of us is wrong and we’re just learning about each other?

Maybe we’re even learning about ourselves. I know I am.

“Tell us all about Lucan Hale.” Holly grins. “We’ve seen pics of you with him online.”

My stomach tightens with the unwelcome turn in conversation. I sense other guests around the fire listening.

“What do you want to know?” I ask.

Linh wipes red wine from her bottom lip. “Does he hunt people on his private estate?”

“Yes,” I reply with a straight face. “A large taxidermied man is mounted in his foyer.”

Chace makes his way around the circle to us. “Have you met his father? Alexander Hale is a total asshole.”

I raise my brows. “Sounds like you’ve met him.”

“Don’t need to.” Chace swigs his beer. “He’s a rich pig.”

“He was very welcoming to me,” I say truthfully, which prompts more titters and whispers around the fire.

“How nice for you,” says Chace. “We should think ourselves lucky that you came to slum it with us tonight.”

“Sadie, what are you doing for Halloween?” asks Linh, who never liked Chace.

“Costume party with my dorm friends,” I say. “At a house in the mountains behind Darkbloom.”

“Your posh friends,” says Holly in a singsong voice.

“Hope no other rich kids get murdered,” says Chace, a gleam in his eyes. “Rumor is, your first day at college was rough. Tell us about it?”