Page 120 of Coveted

The ugly mayhem of those nights hangs in my memory like spiderwebs. Mom sobbing, and Russell burning holes in me with his endless-pit eyes when I comforted her.

“I felt so helpless.” I taste bitterness at the back of my tongue. “You have no idea how many nights I lay awake trying to find a way out. There seemed to be none. I had nobody and nothing. No money, no power, no other family around.”

I glance up at Lucan as we walk. He’s watching me as intently as ever, making no attempt to interrupt.

Do I dare to go further? I haven’t said anything truly revealing about myself yet. Nothing bad. Maybe I shouldn’t hand him the keys to my darkest secrets.

But damn, it feels good to get things off my chest. Lucan’s a surprisingly great listener.

“Russell wore this gross baseball cap,” I say. “Some team from his home state. It was greasy and faded, with a snarling bear on the front. Red and blue. Distinctive. The cops saw him in it whenever they were called to our house, which was often.”

My heart beats harder. “One night last year, after a particularly colorful visit from the police where he cussed them out and barely escaped arrest, I took the cap from his head after he passed out on the sofa. I also took the lighter from his discarded jeans and a bottle of his most flammable booze.”

I exhale slowly through my mouth. “I set fire to the Briarvale police station, once I knew it was empty for the night. I left his baseball cap and lighter at the scene and ran. Russell was arrested and sentenced to five years in prison. It was a scummy thing to do, but I was desperate. My mother was finally free. I thought what I did was worth it.”

A rock hardens in my throat. “But she cried when he was gone. She said she missed him. Less than a month after he was locked up, she passed away.”

When my voice trails off, Lucan speaks.

“This is why you feel guilty?”

“Partly. There’s more.” The shame breaks like a dam in my chest, flooding me. “Russell was killed in prison. Brutalized by another prisoner. And it’s my fault because I put him there. I couldn’t even finish reading the report of his death because the details were so awful I wanted to puke. He was a jackass, but he didn’t deserve that.”

Looking straight ahead, I brace myself for Lucan’s reaction.

“That’s not on you,” he says quietly. “Not in a million years. You were trying to protect your mother.”

“But he still died. And it didn’t even help my mom, in the end. I screwed up beyond belief. I was a murderer, in debt, and alone. I felt like my life was over.”

Lucan nudges me. “You had something though. You could write, and that got you a scholarship.”

“Purely by chance. I saw Darkbloom’s ad on social media while I was doomscrolling, and applied on a whim. I figured, what did I have to lose? I couldn’t believe it when I got in.”

He stops to face me under swaying willow branches. We’ve wandered to a section of the cemetery meant for quiet contemplation. There are ancient stone benches and sculptures overgrown with vines.

“I believe it,” says Lucan. “You deserve the world.”

“But what if I don’t?”

“You do. I see all of you, and you are beautiful.”

I touch my throat. “After I ran from the burning police station, that’s when my engraved locket fell from my neck. You can see why I was freaked out when you sent it to me anonymously. I thought you were making a threat to expose what I did.”

His eyes study mine closely, as if weighing his next actions.

“I have a confession too,” he says.

My spine stiffens. “Yes?”

“I saw you light the fire.”

I pause. “You what?”

“It was late. I was driving back to Darkbloom from the city and saw the flames. When I stopped to investigate, I saw a hauntingly beautiful girl sprinting away into the woods. Your locket fell in a flash of silver. I picked it up and kept driving. Fire trucks were already on their way.”

“I remember. The whole town rang with sirens.”

He nods fondly, like he’s reliving a pleasant memory. “I had to know who you were. I had your initials and knew your appearance. That was enough.”