Page 38 of Condemned to You

The sound of his voice instantly calmed me.

“I’m in the kitchen,” Rachel shouted back.

There was something about seeing Rachel’s face light up when he walked into the room that made me wish I had a mother who loved me just as much as Rachel loved her son.

“Sonny,” I said as I got to my feet to greet him.

“Uncle E,” he smiled and gave me a hug. “Where ya been?”

Rachel cleared her throat. “Want some food?”

“Yes, I’m starving.” He took a seat at the table while Rachel went to make him a plate.

“How’s school going?” I asked.

Letting out a deep breath, Sonny rubbed his face. “I’m not even in med school yet and I’m already burnt out.”

Med school. I’d never been so proud. “Well, no one said you have to be an overachiever and get into Emory.”

Sonny smiled, “Go big or go home.”

As we sat at the table, chatting and laughing as we usually did, the feeling of self-loathing began to eat at me as it normally happened in this setting. This was what I wanted – a family. I sacrificed being a husband and father for a life of crime. No matter how thrilling it was at times, in the back of my mind I wanted to come home to a wife making dinner as our children ran around the house causing a scene.

Sonny got up from the table, taking his plate to the sink, “I gotta run. Cecilia is waiting for me.”

“You gonna marry that girl or what?” I asked.

“If she survives law school and I survive med school – maybe.”

“Power couple.”

Sonny smiled, “You always said to find someone who made you a better man.”

“I wish you everything good in life.”

“From your mouth to God’s ears.” Walking away from the table Sonny shouts over his shoulder, “See ya! Don’t wait up for me mom!”

I waited until I heard the front door shut. There was a suffocating sense of silence that Rachel and I sat in for a moment.

“For such a bright kid, I don’t know how he doesn’t know.”

Rachel laughed, “He’s book smart, E. He doesn’t have his father’s street smart.”

My promiscuous ways were always to ensure no one would catch on that Rachel and I have a son. It was too risky for anyone to know. In fact, it was Rachel’s request to keep this a secret. It put a strain on our relationship although I understood her reason.

“Come with me,” I hold Rachel’s hands in mine.

“I’m not goin’ to California. Chicago is home. I’m not leavin’.”

“Rach, I can’t leave you here pregnant with my child. Come with me. We can get married, have this baby. I can take care of us.”

Her eyes water and a look of pain crosses her face. “I don’t want this life, E. You aren’t just working the streets. You signed on to be Luca DeCarlo’s right hand man. The DeCarlo Family works hand in hand with the Baricelli Family. God forbid you cross someone and they come after our child.”

“I won’t let that happen. It can’t happen. It’s a rule.”

Tears stream down her face, “What if you encounter someone like you? Who doesn’t give a shit about rules?”

I sit down and let her words sink in. She is right. It is dangerous but I’m too stubborn to accept it.