Page 64 of For Pucking Ever

Now, no one from the team has made a statement. Sebastian hasn't confirmed anything. But there were whispers. Whispers that Sebastian said something to the group. Something like, "He's my muse. This is my work."

YOU GUYS.

This means what we think it means, right?

Is B. Ardent not just a tortured genius but ALSO our favorite hockey robot with thighs that could crush a coconut? Because if that's true—if Sebastian Bergeron is B. Ardent—then:

He's a literal billionaire.

He's dating his teammate.

He's been lying to the press, fans, and possibly the franchise for YEARS.

And let's not forget: Derrick's contract was questioned after his trade from Toronto. There were rumors, doubts, murmurs about his performance and health. Now we're supposed to believe he just happened to land on the same team as the guy who's painting him like a Greek god reborn?

#FAVORTISM?

#CONFLICT OF INTEREST?

#PILLOW TALK CONTRACTS?

I'm not saying anything for sure but the internet certainly is.

Here are just a few of the comments blowing up my feed right now:

@PuckMeHarder: If Bergeron is B. Ardent, that's the gayest power move I've ever seen and I LOVE IT.

@SkateOrDie: Soooo is this why Shaw got picked up? Because that man is a walking masterpiece?

@BladesAndBrushes: I feel lied to and also incredibly aroused. Send help.

No word yet from the Vipers' management team, but we'll be watching.

Closely.

Because if this story keeps going where I think it's going. . .hockey just got a whole lot more romantic.

Ya'll know I have my tea in hand, pinky finger up and dancing a jig!!

Stay salty, stay curious!

UPDATE 12 HOURS LATER

HOLY PUCKING HELL, my lovelies! This tea just went from hot to NUCLEAR.

So, I'm sitting here in my fuzzy socks editing this video when my phone EXPLODES with notifications. Apparently, ESPN just ran a segment on Sebastian Bergeron's ‘secret artistic identity’, which means this tea has officially gone mainstream, babes!

But that's not even the juiciest part!

One of my most reliable sources (who may or may not work in the Vipers' equipment room and definitely deserves a raise) just sent me footage of Sebastian and Derrick LEAVING the arena together after an emergency meeting with management.

And let me tell you, Sebastian ‘I Have No Emotions’ Bergeron looked WRECKED. Like, full-on devastated. Derrick was practically holding him up, arm around his waist, whispering something in his ear.

#PROTECT

#BOYFRIENDGOALS

#EMOTIONALHOCKEY