Page 17 of Insatiable

“There’s more. I saw how flustered she was when you—”

“I kissed her. Well, that is not hundred percent accurate, she kissed me first.” He cuts me off before I can say more, slowing his steps as we get closer to Sean. “Look, she was reading, and like I told you two in the group chat, the content was—” He stops and runs his hands over his face. “Well, fuck, it was hot, and she was clearly affected by the content. I mean, Cace, it was straight up porn. Apparently, lots of women are into this reverse harem thing. Who would have thought? So, I told her she has three dicks at home.” He shrugs and smiles at the memory.

“You said what?” Sean drops the tongs next to the grill, wiping his hands on his apron as he walks over to meet us. I am sure he heard exactly what Jay said, but like me, he needs him to repeat it.

“I told her she has three dicks at home. I also told her all she has to do is ask.” He looks at both of us, raising his eyebrows suggestively. “So, things got a bit heated between the two of us.” He looks away from us and then looks towards the house.

“Did she ask you to kiss her?” Sean coughs to try to get his attention. He looks over at me and I shrug. Jay stares transfixed at the house, lost in thought.

“Jay?” I clap my hands snapping him out of his trance as he gazes longingly at the house.

“You should have seen her take what she wanted. Fuck, it was hot. No, she didn’t ask. She took.” Jay turns his attention back to us smiling, replaying the memory over and over again in his head. The lucky bastard. Well, that didn’t help my aching need for her at all. Sean clears his throat again breaking the spell and walks away. I follow, anything to keep myself busy. Sex is not what we should be thinking about right now, but damn it’s hard. The smoke billows from grill and Sean quickly gets back to work finishing the food. As if sensing the need to change the subject Jay finally catches on and joins us.

“How bad is it?” Jay asks us both, attempting to help me set the table. I had started to set it up earlier but the need to call Dr. Schaffer and a shower left the job half finished. I look up from laying out plates while Jay lays a fork on the table. Completely ignoring the rest of the silverware, he sits on one of the outdoor dining chairs and props his feet up. I guess that’s all he is going to do while we do everything else. I huff in frustration, entitled asshole. He had Tate to himself all day, kisses her, and now he sits here like the king of the castle while Sean and I slave over dinner. No, I am not jealous. I grab up the rest of the forks and knives, trying not to slam them on the table as Jay offers me a smug smirk. ‘Why are we friends again? Tate, all for Tate.’

“It’s bad. We are going to have to talk about security until the dust settles bad,” Sean says as he continues to pull steak, salmon, and shrimp off the grill.

“Why?” That caught Jay’s attention. His feet hit the ground as he leans forward and braces his elbows on his knees. In a split second his carefree demeanor changes to a predatory expression and fuck me if the change isn't impressive. He jokes so much sometimes that I forget he is not the shy geeky young man I knew in undergrad.

“James broke into her house, left a threat on the wall in blood,” I say in frustration. I am still shocked over all the Detective told us today.

“Fuck. Who is this guy? How the hell did Tate get—”

“This is why I keep you three around.” Tate interrupts what he was about to say, and I am grateful. I didn’t want her to overhear what he was about to say. I have the same thoughts. How did she get mixed up with a guy like James?

“Our charm and sex appeal,” Jay says looking over his shoulder as we all watch her approach. The setting sun brought a cool breeze over the water, dropping the temperature outside. With fall approaching being outside at night, especially next to the water, is cooler. Tate is dressed in a cream oversized sweater and black leggings, her bare feet slap along the pavement. She looks happy and burden free for the first time in weeks. I don’t want to spoil it.

“No, of course not,” she scoffs as she walks past Jay and straight to Sean, who, like the rest of us, can’t take his eyes off her. She wraps her arms around him, hugging him tight and he buries his head in her short, cropped hair. They stay that way for a long time. Sean holds on to her like she is his lifeline. He’s been relatively quiet about his divorce from Vanessa. I know he is trying to put on a brave face for Tate, but I think he is just a broken as she is. Tate pulls away, but not before she raises up on her tiptoes and kisses Sean’s cheek.

“Feed me, please, I am starving.” She pouts up at Sean. She could ask for the world right now and he would give it to her. The way he looks at her with such love and adoration, I know that we have to make this work. For all our sanity. We love her.

“Yes, ma’am. Anything for, my Tatum.” Sean smiles and winks.

Anything for my Tay. I mirror his words in my head as we sit down to eat. I only hope that what we are about to tell her doesn’t take her away from us.

Empty plates are in piles in the middle of the table. There was nothing left after we devoured the surf and turf with grilled corn on the cob, macaroni and cheese, and a salad to balance off the meal. The last one was Cace’s suggestion, of course. He is a doctor all of the time, but it is adorable to see him act all papa bear with us.

The fire in the pit blazes bright in its protective metal barrier against the cool breeze that is threatening to extinguish it. I am full, warm, surrounded by the men I care deeply for, and on my second glass of Sangria. It has been a great day, and an even better night. I look at each of them, and for the first time, I can see it, the possibility of what our lives could be. The four of us, living our lives together. It wasn’t ideal all those years ago. It wasn’t our time then. Now, there is nothing holding us back from making how we feel a reality. Can I do this? After everything I’ve been through? I didn’t cause myself to hit rock bottom; someone else did. I am slowly crawling out of this deep dark pit with their help. And I love them for it. I’m surprised with how easy it has been to fall back into our former routines, and how without them in my life I would feel less centered and would happily throw myself into work.

But those warm and fuzzy thoughts were squashed the minute they started to relay the conversation they had with Detective Jones today. I want to be angry he hadn’t called me. I know Sean meant well, but I can’t convince myself to calm down as the rage grows inside of me. He is trying to shield me from this but hearing it from him and not the Detectives feels like a slap in the face. The blissful fullness I felt from dinner is now making me feel squeezy and sick. James is out there. He is looking for me. And he wants to finish the job.

Cace pulls me closer to him, wrapping his arm around me from the side, his warmth seeps through my jumper but all I feel is cold. They continue to talk, I catch snippets of it, wondering who the hell I had been sleeping with the last five years. Words like BDSM clubs, debts, and mafia stand out amongst it all, and it only makes the sick feeling worse. My anger at being blind is even more pronounced. Was I really that naïve? Had I thrown myself in my work so deeply that I failed to notice what was happening until it was too late? My home, and my hard work was destroyed, and this vindictive fool has decided to throw his toys out of the crib because I wasn’t dead! What the fuck?

“I got to go,” the words are out of my mouth before I can even think them through. I refuse to stay hidden and out of sight.

“Tay,” Cace says his nickname for me in a warning tone and I quickly untangle myself from him. Sliding out from the two-seater dinner seat, I stand.

“I guess you're asking yourselves if I knew about James's depravities?” I ask as I wrap my arms around myself, waiting for their judgment and wondering what the hell could they possibly want with me. My insecurities fall down on me like rain, soaking me to the bone and I react the only way I know how: I build walls. “Well, I didn’t know shit. Do you know how hard I worked to make a life for myself? For us? I thought I was building this grand future and there James was sabotaging us at every turn.” I huff, casting my eyes down, afraid to look at their faces. “That explains why he never touched me. He was out getting his needs met by God knows who. I guess I was too vanilla for his ass. Well, fuck him and the horse he rode into town on. He shot me! Tried and failed, the bastard, so if he wants to try again, then he can go right ahead. I will not be afraid. Please don’t judge me, I can’t have you three looking at me . . .” The longer I stand there the angrier I become. I feel foolish and embarrassed.

“Tatter-tot, none of us judge you. Why would we? What he did and what he is still doing is on him. His behavior is not a reflection of who you are. You know that, don’t you?” I know what Jay is saying makes sense, but I don’t want to be rational right now. I want to be mad. I want to hunt him down myself and kick his ass. I started to back away from them slowly.

“Tatum, don’t. Don’t run from us, baby girl. I will not lose you now, not now, please.” The need and sincerity in Sean’s voice crushes me, halting my steps. My tears threaten to fall as three sets of eyes plead with me to not take another step away from them.

“You want to go home to LA. Then go. But you are not going alone. We are going with you,” Cace says with authority, leaving no room for argument. I open my mouth to protest but Jay stops me.

“Do you think you could just walk away from us and not expect us to follow? I won’t let history repeat itself, Tate. You walked away from us before because we didn’t have our shit together. Yes, I know there was no way for us to maintain a relationship from four different locations. I get that now. In your own way you were protecting us. We tried to make you choose. Instead of accepting that we worked better together, we were all selfish.” I take another step, trying not to fall on my ass as I walk backward up the deck levels.

“I’ve had a lot of shit go down in the past few months. The embarrassment you feel, because I know you feel it, was the same feelings I felt when you found out I got a divorce. Do you know I felt relieved when you turned down my wedding invitation? I didn’t want to see the look of disappointment on your face when you saw that my heart wasn’t in it. Because you know what? If I knew then what I know now, I would have walked away from her and straight to you.” Sean let out a shuddering breath. I wanted to run to him, to tell him it was okay, but my legs are rooted in place. “She was cheating, not with one but two of my colleagues. All to climb her way into a partner seat. So, who was the foolish one? This guy right in front of you. I should be the one running away in shame. The woman I thought I could replace you with in my heart, pulled it out and stomped on it. It still beats though.” I hang on to every word he speaks, his sadness, his grief for a life he was clinging to, his pain was so much like mine, my heart hurt for him.