Page 72 of Angel of Thursdays

He imagined calling Kevin Chao, because the podcast, too, had been the Dragon. The work, the slow crawl back to himself. He practiced the bit in his head:

Hey Kev. Quick question. My life fell apart on Chinese New Year because three years ago a fucking PONY CAR scrambled my brains and now my boyfriend’s either my ex or possibly still my boyfriend and I can’t check because checking requires asking and asking requires the will to go on. Unrelated: can you help me identify a cartoon theme song based on a two-second hum? Here it goes⁠—

May pulled the blanket back over his head.

* * *

His phone surfaced eventually because he sat on it and had to fish it out. Battery at six percent. The lock screen was eye-searing and notifications stacked up—old at the bottom, new at the top, same as it had been on January 29th, only nothing was the same as it had been on January 29th.

Ten unread messages in the family WeChat. His mother sending an article in Chinese about some composer from the sixties he’d never heard of. His mother sending an animated sticker of an old man in red with Happy New Year! on a glittering banner. His mother asking Anna to send her pictures of her Chinese New Year spread. His mother sending another article about a big rock.

His mother, his mother, his mother. A red water bird with a blue top-hat, pecking and pecking and pecking.

May closed the app, held the icon until it trembled and the little X appeared in the corner. He tapped it.

Delete “WeChat”? All data associated with this app will also be deleted.

He tapped again.

The icon vanished. The home screen rearranged itself, the remaining apps shifting to fill the gap.

Then there was Louis in his Messages. Seven texts, starting the night of January 29th.

Louis

what the fuck is wrong with you

you showed up looking fucking strung out and left

are you ok. are you on hard drugs

that was a joke

may

dude

DO NOT FUCKING AVOID ME

Newer, from Thursday and Friday:

Louis

???

?????

PICK UP THE PHONE

May rubbed his eyes and thought about flinging his phone out the window but didn’t have the arm strength and also he needed his phone.

He typed Heyyyyyyy and deleted it. Typed Sorry! just saw this! and deleted it. Typed I’m not dead just dramatic lol and stared at it and deleted it because it was guaranteed to piss his little brother off in the way that would end up with him banging on his door, and May could not deal with that. Louis would see all the shit and misery and try to make May do something about it.

He sent a thumbs-up emoji instead. The text thread with Cassiel was below Louis’s. He exhaled for longer than necessary, then opened it. The last exchange:

May

I’m home