Page 75 of Afterglow

Ours.

Emotions rise up inside me, and I have to hide my face before Leanne can see it all written there. The grief and loss welling up but being instantly overcome and washed over with fresh joy and excitement. I press my face to her hand and kiss it over where our baby girl is moving, closing my eyes tight until I can regain my composure.

Her free hand comes to my hair, smoothing it away from my face, and when I look at her, there’s tears in her eyes and she’s sporting the widest smile. “I never thought… I never thought I’d get to experience this. I—It’s magical.”

“It is,” I say, and then I kiss her again. We get lost in this moment, our hands still firmly over the place where this piece of us ties us together, moving against our combined hands, until we both fall asleep.

CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

Leanne

Twenty-Six Weeks ~ Baby is the size of an eggplant

The tap tap tap of my fingers on my now very obvious baby bump is mimicked in the knocking on my office door.

“How are you feeling?” Vivian asks, poking her head inside with a soft smile.

“Good,” I respond.

“Glad to hear it. I wanted to chat over a few details about your maternity leave,” she says, closing the door behind her. I hold my breath while she takes her time getting comfortable in the seat across from mine. “Breathe, Leanne,” she says with a grin. “I just think we need a plan for how we ensure this department doesn’t self-destruct while you’re gone.”

I blow out the breath, my lungs screaming at me for holding it for too long. There’s a renewed push against my hand from under my skin, a little bump of encouragement from my favorite person—one I haven’t even met yet.

“Do you think anyone on the team has the skills to cover your position? Or do we need to bring in outside help?” Vivian asks.

I slide some papers around my desk, giving the illusion I’m thinking about each person who works beneath me and what their skills are. But it’s not even a question; I know exactly who I want to take over. “Derrik is best suited. He’s been here longest and knows how I operate. Plus, he’s worked with all the venues in some capacity. If you’re asking for my recommendation, it’s him.”

My boss nods along, a small crease between her eyes. “Derrik? Hmm. You don’t think maybe Veronica?”

I shake my head. “Veronica is great on the creative side of things, but Derrik will be more organized with the logistical side—the smaller details and how they fit into the whole picture. If you’re worried the venues are used to dealing with me, a woman…”

“No, I just…” She goes on the defensive and I smile to myself, recognizing the same bias in her I clearly had myself when it came to Bryce.

“I’ve worked with some incredible male event coordinators, and I think Derrik has all the skills needed to succeed in my stead. And I’d personally prefer to leave the department in the hands of someone I know and trust, rather than bringing in someone new.”

“Of course. If you think he’s the man for the job, then we can talk to him and see if he’d be on board with taking over while you’re gone. You could take the next—” She glances at my stomach.

“Fourteen weeks,” I supply, to fill in her thought.

“Right, fourteen weeks, to get him fully versed in everything you do before you go on leave. And… you’re planning on taking the full twelve paid weeks?”

“And the twelve unpaid weeks as well,” I state. This isn’t something I’ll budge on. I worked hard to get here and I love my job, but I spent long enough believing I wouldn’t get the chance to have a baby. I don’t want to miss out on those early months with her.

She swallows but doesn’t argue. “Okay. I’ll talk to Derrik and see what he thinks. Thanks, Leanne.”

When she walks out of the room, I slump in my chair and rest my head against the back, looking up at the ceiling.

I’ve gone over and over what I want my life, our life—mine, this baby’s… Bryce’s—to look like, and to be honest, I haven’t made much progress in figuring it out.

I still haven’t agreed to move in with him for the six months I’m on leave, and I can tell it’s taking everything in him not to ask, not to push.

We’ve gotten closer—especially after Christmas—but I don’t know how to fully let him in. Letting him into my body felt easy, and with how riotously horny I am these days, I’ve been letting him in that way a lot the past four weeks. But trusting him with my heart is harder, even if I think he may already have it… I’m just too scared to admit it.

It’s like we’re in this weird middle-place of wanting each other in one way and needing each other in another. We need to be partners for this to work—for us to parent this baby together. If I agree to move in, I know it’ll be more than two coparents living together to raise their baby girl—a baby girl he affectionately started calling butterfly after he first felt her move.

Am I ready for more? Is he? After Sarah, does he want another relationship? I don’t know, and I’m afraid to ask.

The doubts are always there in the back of my mind. He’s all in on the dad thing, but is he all in on me? I don’t want this baby to be the only reason we’re together.