Page 124 of A Bond So Deadly

Why did I think I could do this?

“I’m sorry,” I whisper, hardly able to get the words out. “I’m so freaking sorry. If I hadn’t stabbed him, the others might not have done this.”

“No,” she rasps, and her gaze is distant. “I knew the moment that first guy targeted me, that I wasn’t getting out of this alleyway alive. But it was nice to believe for a little while that I might make it.” She lets out a rattling breath, and she grabs my hand weakly. “I’m Alina, by the way.”

Tears stream down my face as I squeeze her hand back.

“I’m Shay,” I reply softly.

Shay.

My name.

My real name.

Not Shade, but Shay. Shade was the name Blake and I settled on when I was trapped as a crow and she rescued me, but the name my parents gave me before they were killed in a tragic car accident, was Shay. I remember now. The name I’d forgotten.

“Come here, little Shay bug,” Dad’s far off voice sounds in my head, and I choke on a sob. How had I forgotten that?

Alina nods. “Thanks for trying, Shay.”

“Don’t go,” I whimper, my voice cracking as tears stream down my face.

But Alina’s eyes go blank, and she lets go of my hand as her body goes still.

The memory cuts to a graveyard next.

It’s a week later and I stand there alone, a warm breeze teasing my hair as the priest reads a final prayer for Alina’s soul. I don’t even know if she was religious, but it’s standard that all burials get a priest.

Alina Moore. That’s her full name.

I remember it all now. No one else is at the funeral, because like me, Alina has no other family. All she has is…me, the stranger who fought alongside her in that alleyway.

I intend to come back and visit her often, but the nightmares plague me. That night replays in my dreams, and each time I fail to keep her alive. Each time wife beater guy still cracks her head against that wall.

I file multiple reports with the police, but the remaining men are never found, and over time, I stop visiting Alina. I barely work enough shifts to hold onto my shitty apartment, and I withdraw into myself.

The only thing that saves me is the local library.

I spend most of my hours there, escaping into books, and the scene changes to where I’m sitting reading one of my favorite stories about a beast in a castle. I remember now, that my parents used to read this to me when I was young. I have vague memories of laughter and nursery rhymes, but they’re hard to grasp hold of.

Romance books become my lifeline, because they always have a happy ending, and I need that.

Every time I read one, it makes the world seem a little less…dark, and eventually, I manage to push back the nightmares. The world seems to go on, and I try to keep myself from drowning.

The memory ends with me still in the local library, surrounded by piles of books. I’m smiling, but inside I’m wondering if anyone can see through my mask. I’m wondering if anyone can see how broken I really am. How I failed, and a girl died because of it.

Chapter Forty-Eight

~ Shade ~

Iopen my eyes to find I’m still on the battlefield, frozen in the darkness that has consumed me, though I can still move my head. Tears spill from my eyes, and I don’t try to stop them. Alina’s grave appears again in my mind. I’d tried to forget her.

I’ve been running from my past for so long, and now that I remember, it’s like someone has carved open my chest and left me bleeding. For the first time in a long while I feel just like I did on that day as I watched Alina die. Hopeless. Worthless. Useless. I couldn’t save her. And now I can’t save them. My mates. My friends. I think deep down I’ve always believed that. I tried to be a hero once, and a girl had died.

The darkness around me is cloying, like oil that clings to my lashes. I struggle to breathe as the guilt and despair crush me.

“You see it now, don’t you? How worthless you are?” Queen Krosia drawls like she can read every horrible thought in my head. Like she can see my shame. She stares at me smugly. “You couldn’t even save one girl when she needed you. And to think, the oracle believed you would be a goddess.” She lets out a shrill laugh. “It’s absurd. Look at you. You’re nothing.”