Page 67 of Deviant Need

Don’t go.

“I just thought you wanted an out. I thought you were pulling away, and I was trying to make it easier for you,” comes out instead.

“Make it easier?” He stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “You think telling me it meant nothing makes anything easier?”

“I don’t know what you want from me!”

“I want you to stop running!” His voice echoes in the cabin. “I want you to stop pushing me away every time we get close. I want you to actually talk to me instead of making decisions for both of us about what I supposedly want.”

“I’m trying to protect you⁠—”

“From what? From me caring about you? You’re not protecting me, you’re protecting yourself. And I’m tired of it.”

“Mikhail—”

“I’m leaving.” He heads for the door.

Lunging forward, I grab his bag and rip it from his hands. “Please don’t go. Please. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, I swear⁠—”

“Then what did you mean?” He jerks his arm free but doesn’t move toward the door. “Tell me what you actually meant, Danya. Because I can’t keep doing this with you.”

The words are right there.

I love you, and I’m terrified you don’t feel the same.

If we try this and you realize I’m not enough, it’ll destroy me.

I’ve wanted you for so long that having you and losing you would be worse than never having you at all.

But I can’t say any of that. The words won’t come.

He waits, staring at me, giving me one more chance.

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out.

His face hardens, and he turns toward the door. “That’s what I thought. You know what? If you want to call it a mistake, fine. Then yeah, it was a fucking mistake. The biggest one I’ve ever made.”

Mistake? My stomach drops.

“I can’t—” My voice breaks. “The words won’t⁠—”

He stops but doesn’t turn around.

But nothing comes out except a choked sound.

He finally turns around and rips his bag out of my grip and storms toward the door. He shoves his feet into his shoes without even tying them, doesn’t look back once as he slams the door so hard the entire frame rattles, and the sound echoes through the empty cabin.

Standing there frozen, I stare at the door, my heart hammering so hard it hurts. My hands shake, and my throat feels too tight to breathe.

He’s gone, and I couldn’t even tell him the truth. A minute passes, maybe more. I don’t know. My feet won’t move, and I can’t think straight.

Then I take off running and throw the door open.

The driveway is empty besides my car, and I run down the entire length on my socks, the stones scraping and cutting into my feet but I keep going. I make it to the gate and press the code with shaking hands, then burst through onto the road and look frantically in both directions.

He’s nowhere in sight.

I ruined everything. I pushed him away too many times, and this time he finally left me when I finally got what I wanted. Him. My eyes start burning, and I sink down onto the asphalt, pulling my knees up to my chest. I wipe my eyes with the back of my hands before I pull out my phone, my fingers hovering over the keyboard.