Page 38 of Deviant Need

I just nod and sink deeper into his side.

“You’re not going to leave me behind when you go to college, are you?” I ask.

“What? No. Never. I’m going to whatever college you go to. You’re stuck with me forever, whether you like it or not.”

Thank god.

“Are you really that upset about the kissing thing? About what they keep saying?”

I shrug, not meeting his eyes. “It’s stupid, but yes. Kind of.”

He pulls back and looks at me with this expression I can’t read, serious and focused in a way that makes my heart stutter.

“Mik?”

He leans in and presses his lips to mine. A shock runs through my entire body, and I freeze in place. The kiss only lasts a few seconds before he pulls back.

“There,” he says. “Now you’ve kissed someone, and you can tell them all to shut the fuck up.”

I stare at him, unable to form words. My lips are tingling where his touched them, and my heart is hammering so hard I can hear it in my ears. He’s still close, watching my face.

Before I can think about it, I lean in and kiss him again. My hand slides up to the back of his neck, and I part my lips, letting my tongue trace along his bottom lip. I don’t know what happens next, so I just push forward, and our teeth bump together. I pull back slightly, adjusting, and try again. This time my tongue slips into his mouth and finds his.

He makes a surprised sound, his body going tense for a second, but then he’s kissing me back. His hand comes up to cup my jaw, tilting my head, and his tongue moves against mine.

My stomach does a weird flutter, and I press closer, our noses bumping as I try to figure out the angle. I taste smoke and mint on his breath. His fingers tighten against my skin, and I can feel his pulse racing under my palm where it rests against his neck.

It probably only lasts ten seconds, but it feels like forever, stretched out and playing in slow motion. When he finally pulls back, we’re breathing harder. My lips feel swollen, and my entire body is buzzing.

He looks at me with this shocked expression, eyes wide and mouth slightly open.

“Sorry,” I say quickly. “I shouldn’t have—was that okay?”

He blinks a few times, then breaks into this wide grin. “Yeah, Danya. Just caught me off guard there. Didn’t expect you to go all in like that.” He rubs his mouth with the back of his hand. “But yeah, you’re good. More than good. I’m telling everyone tomorrow that I caught you making out with some random chick. They’ll never say anything again.” He pulls me back against his side. “Now you don’t have to worry about it anymore.”

Except now I’m worrying about completely different things.

Because my lips are still tingling and I can’t stop looking at his mouth. Wondering if he’d let me do it again. If it would feel the same or different. If that’s what it’s supposed to feel like when you kiss someone. My heart is hammering, and I don’t know how to make it stop.

Chapter 9

Mikhail

Ican’t stop moving in this shitty bathroom, rolling my shoulders and pacing the grimy tile floor like I’m trying to wear a path through it. Daniil wasn’t there when I woke up this morning. He left again, won’t reply to my texts, and I’ve sent enough that I’m starting to look pathetic. I don’t know what’s happening with him. Maybe he’s struggling more than I realized because he likes men. I don’t give a fuck about that part, I really don’t.

Does he think I’m some sort of homophobe?

Watching him pull away from me is making me want to crawl out of my own skin. So I left and decided to go to the match I had planned anyway.

Might as well get the aggression out in the cage before I explode, because I feel like I’m losing my mind.

Tapping cocaine onto the back of my hand, I snort it hard, the burn tearing straight up my nose and slamming into the back of my throat. My head tilts back, and I stare at the water-stained ceiling, jaw locked so tight my molars grind together.

Wiping my nose with the back of my hand, I can already feel that familiar rush building in my system, bringing everything into clarity.

I do another line, bigger this time, then one more for good measure. The world narrows down to just this, just the chemical focus flooding my brain and pushing everything else into the background. I flush what’s left down the toilet and watch it disappear, taking my better judgment with it.

Bouncing on my feet, I shake out my arms before slapping myself hard across the face. The sting snaps everything into focus since pain works when nothing else does. Time to act like I’m not falling apart.