Page 90 of Paradigm

Eline stood up to face her head-on.

“Because I’m embarrassed, Arlowe. I am embarrassed, and I’m angry. Like I told you before, I’ve always had a job. I’ve been able to take care of myself. Now, I have my girlfriend buying me food and telling me to live with her, not because she’s ready for that, but because she doesn’t want me to be homeless. What are we going to do for the next almost four months? Do you honestly think that my visa will get extended by then? The lawyer told me it can take months for them to review the application, even after a termination. And it’s going to take you all weeks to interview other candidates and then put in an application for me. It’s a ticking clock, Arlowe, and it might not even work in the end. At least, this way, I won’t be going home without a job. I’ll go there, work for a while, and we’ll see if I can get the application approved for my visa with your company. If we do, I can find a replacement there and come back. It won’t be forever, babe.”

“You don’t know that. What if you end up loving your job and you can’t come back?”

“Well, I could come back not on a work visa,” Eline replied and moved toward her.

“You can’t have it both ways, either.” Arlowe took a step back. “You can’t say no when I ask you to marry me now and then bring it up as a solution for later.”

“I didn’t mean it was a solution to a problem. I meant that we would get married then because we wanted to, and if we decided to do that, I wouldn’t need a work visa to live here. I could come back to visit on a tourist visa if one is required, or I could come on a fiancée visa if we get there.”

“How am I supposed to feel, Eline?”

“I know it’s not ideal. And I can try to push him off for a little while, but Arlowe, I have to do something. I have applied for so many jobs… I’m tired of looking at and changing my resume to suit a company. No one is going to hire me when I need a visa and fast, and I don’t see Violet being able to get me a visa in time. I also can’t risk staying beyond my visa because, if I do, I’d risk not being able to come back at all, and that’s on top of the fact that I have no money saved up. Now, before you offer me some, my parents already have, and I don’t want that.”

“So, you want to leave instead of setting some of your pride aside?”

“I want to leave because I might actually enjoy this job, make good money, and we could be long-distance for just a little while. Then, I could come back for good, Arlowe. This whole thing is too complicated. It’s putting too much pressure on both of us to make the most of our time. Doesn’t it remind you of twelve years ago when we knew you had to go, and it got so horribly awkward before it just got really sad? This way, you could drop me off at the airport and come see me as soon as you can work out a trip. I’ll have an apartment by then. We can spend time together in Amsterdam, like we did before. You can see my parents. They’ll see how happy we are because we don’t have the clock logging all the minutes and seconds we have together before I have to leave.”

“We’d still have that ticking clock. There would just be fewer minutes and seconds, Eline.”

“Can you just tell me that you understand? I know it’s not what we want, but it’s the best plan I’ve got right now.”

“I don’t know that I do understand,” Arlowe said before she cleared her throat. “But I just found out about this, so I need some time to process.”

“I understand,” Eline replied, nodding.

“I think I’m going to stay at home tonight,” she added.

“What?”

“I need to process this, Eline. I just… I’d like to do that alone. Can I have my phone back?”

Eline looked down and noticed that she still had Arlowe’s phone in her hand.

“Oh. Of course.” She handed Arlowe back the device and asked, “Will you call me later?”

“I’ll text you tonight,” she said.

“Arlowe, I–”

“Eline, I’m still your girlfriend. That hasn’t changed,” she interrupted after seeing Eline’s worried face. “I just need a little time.” She held up her phone. “I’m not changing my password, okay?”

Eline nodded and said, “Okay.”

“I’ll text you.”

Then, Arlowe turned to go.

CHAPTER 28

Arlowe had texted her, but it had been brief and mainly to say goodnight the night of their fight, if Eline could call it that. Then, the following day, Eline had tried calling her, but Arlowe had texted her back instead of answering. Eline knew it was her fault. She knew that what she was doing was hurting Arlowe. It hurt her, too, but she couldn’t see another way of doing it. She needed a job. She needed money. She needed a visa. She also needed Arlowe. It was all too much, and she couldn’t find a way to have it all – at least, not right now – so she would do the thing that made the most sense. It meant that she would have to miss Arlowe again, which she wasn’t looking forward to, but if it meant that she could come back and they could be together the right way, she had to do it.

“Eline?”

Eline had gone to the same coffee shop where she had met Arlowe for the first time again, needing a break after talking to her possible future boss one more time about the offer he had sent to her via email, and she looked up when she heard her name.

“Hi, Violet,” she said.