Page 54 of Paradigm

“I’d agree with that,” Arlowe said, and when their waiter arrived, she motioned for Eline to order first.

Eline got a glass of red wine and ordered her entrée after checking with Arlowe on appetizers. Arlowe ordered a glass of red that was different than the one Eline had chosen, along with her steak, and when the waiter walked off to take care of their order, Eline thought about how they used to order the cheapest wine on the menu and only did that a few times because neither of them had had much money. Now, they could pick and choose what they wanted – within reason, of course, since neither of them was rich – and it felt good to be able to share a nice meal with Arlowe where they didn’t have to check prices on menus and do mental math to make sure they had enough money to spend at the bar with Arlowe’s friends later that night, which had taken precedence back then.

“So, I feel like we should talk,” Arlowe said after their wine arrived. “Actually…” She lifted her glass. “I feel like we should toast. Then, we can talk.”

“You want to toast?”

“Yeah, I do.” Arlowe smiled at her. “I want to toast to the fact that you’re here, sitting across the table from me, enjoying this nice night and soon-to-be great meal. I still can’t believe it, but I want to toast to that.”

Eline lifted her glass, too, and said, “Then, let’s toast.”

“To tonight,” Arlowe said.

“To tonight,” she replied and clinked her glass against Arlowe’s, having made a mental note of the word choice in that toast.

Arlowe hadn’t made a toast to them by saying, ‘To us.’ She had made a toast to the night, to their evening together, which was fine, but she also would’ve been okay with Arlowe toasting to them and whatever was happening between them again.

“So, you wanted to talk?” she asked after taking a sip of the really good wine and setting the glass back down.

“I think we both know what’s going on here,” Arlowe replied. “We’re hanging out tonight, but… what we had… it was…”

“Real?” Eline guessed.

“It was real love, and we’re both here now. We’re also both single, and that thing that we’ve had that I could never define is still there for me.”

“For me, too,” she said and leaned forward a little. “So, what do we do about it?”

“I think we have to keep talking, like we said,” Arlowe suggested. “Make sure that you can still like broccoli-loving Arlowe how you did noodle- and French-fry-loving Arlowe.”

Eline laughed softly and replied, “Okay. How do we do that?”

“Talk about our lives from when we last saw each other until now and maybe talk about the big stuff, too.”

“Big stuff?”

“Yeah, make sure that we’re both on the same path this time.”

“The same path?”

“Before, you wanted to stay in Holland and get a job as an engineer. You also wanted to get married and have kids. You live here now, so I guess I’m wondering if anything else in your old plan has changed,” Arlowe said and looked like she wasn’t finished talking, so Eline didn’t say anything just yet. “And I guess I’m wondering if you plan to stay here, too. You mentioned things being an adjustment, and your texts suggest that your job is fine but not ideal, so I–”

“You think I’m going to leave,” she said softly.

“I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

“I don’t know, either, Arlowe. I’m here on a work visa, so I can’t tell you that I’ll stay here forever unless I try to go through the whole green card process or try to get citizenship later. I am here, though. And I know I said it was an adjustment – it has been, and I do miss home – but I like it here.”

“Because I’m here, or because you really like it here?”

“I like that you’re here, yes, but I like living here, too,” she replied. “My apartment was built in this century, and yes, I have to drive, but I also have a car now, which means I can go wherever I want whenever I want, and I don’t have to wait for a tram or train, or ride there on my bike. I like that you have these massive stores where I can buy things that I need to decorate my apartment and my groceries for the week in the same place.” She chuckled. “So, I can go home and visit my family, or they can come here to visit me, and I think I’ll go back to visit them sometime this year if I can, but I want to live here.”

Arlowe nodded but didn’t say anything.

“I still want the other stuff, too, Arlowe.”

“You do?”

“The wife and kids, yes. Although, I don’t know how many children I’ll have now, given my age. When I was twenty-two, I thought I had all the time in the world, and when you and I would talk about that stuff, I thought I’d get my career going, get married, and start the process to have a child, but after you, I never met anyone whom I wanted to do that with. I know I could’ve been a single mother, but I didn’t want that for myself, so here I am, all these years later, and I think I’d like to have at least one child if I can.”