Page 27 of A Shared Mind

“Will he be the man in the relationship?” The one who held the power in the relationship was very important in my line of work back then, but maybe it wasn’t something that should still be a cornerstone of masculinity these days?

I hope you don’t mean what I think you mean, you son of a bitch. You know I’m not straight, Ramon. If Clay and I end up in a relationship, we’re both still men. Men’s and women’s roles aren’t what they were when you were alive. Society hasn’t come as far as many of us would like, but at least it’s evolved to the point where there aren’t distinctively men’s roles and distinctively women’s roles anymore. God, you’re an asshole.

Gay men are capable of forming lasting relationships, and if you think differently, then you need to find some other schmuck to do your bidding. Men in general—straight or gay—can fuck around without discretion. I don’t want that for myself. Did you enjoy that lifestyle?

I don’t want a revolving door to my bedroom, and I definitely wouldn’t have wanted your life either. I want feelings involved in any relationship I have going forward. I want to be dated and treated well, and I want control over when I decide to have sex with someone and respect from them no matter what I decide.

Justin made some good points, but if I agreed with him, I’d be an asshole for keeping him from his shot at love. The guilt was trying to drag me down.

But... “Kid, you don’t know what you’re missing by not having sex with women.”

You’re right, but maybe you should suck a dick and see what your missing?

I had to laugh at that one. Justin definitely had a point, but I never planned to find out. There were other things that needed to be done, not involving my mouth near anybody’s dick.

I grabbed the keys to his apartment and the SUV, locking it up after I exited. “Kid, you need to shower because you smell like a bag of shit. Get ready for your date. I need a fucking nap.”

When we got into his apartment, I slid out of the way and let him come forward. I didn’t think I wanted to be around for the rest of the night, but I certainly wished Justin the best of luck.

Chapter Thirteen

Justin

I sent a message to Clay before I got into the shower.

Glad to hear from you. I’m looking forward to seeing you tonight. Justin

Ramon hadn’t sent a message to Clay as he’d threatened, which was a relief. Ramon... It was a shame he was dead because I wanted to kill him myself at times. The bullshit I’d dealt with in the last forty-eight hours was enough to drive me insane.

I showered and scrubbed myself raw because Ramon was right. I smelled like a bag of shit, and the stench wouldn’t win me any friends, much less impress Clay. Once I was finished, I went into my bedroom and checked my phone to see a message from the man himself.

I’m glad. I was worried that maybe you’d changed your mind. I’m looking forward to seeing you, too. Clay

His message had my heart racing. It had been too long since we’d last connected, and I was worried he’d lost interest.

My life was currently spinning out of control, but at least Clay seemed to still be interested in our friendship. That was more than I thought I’d get.

I dressed in a pair of black jeans and a light-blue chambray shirt, hoping I looked enticing enough that Clay would give me another chance. It might seem as though I’d been gaslighting the guy, but that wasn’t the case. I was truly interested in a relationship with him, and I hoped he was too.

When I walked into Smokehouse Q KC, I saw Clay Fines pacing the waiting area. God, he looked good. Blond hair. Blue eyes. Muscles for days. How the fuck did I get so lucky that he even gave me a glance to begin with?

“Hi, Clay. Am I late?”

He grinned. “No, not at all. I’m just painfully early because I was excited you wanted to see me. I was worried that maybe you’d taken off on me.”

That was so far off the mark. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around sooner, but I’m glad to be back now.”

Clay put his hand on my lower back and guided me to the host stand. “Hi! We’re both here now. Fines, party of two.”

The young woman grinned. “Follow me.”

We were led to a table in a nice corner and sat close to each other. “Can I get you some drinks from the bar?”

I turned to Clay. “It’s good to see you,” then I turned to the lady to order. “I’d like an IPA, please.”

Clay chuckled before he sat. “I’ll have the same.”

I stared at the gorgeous man for a moment, unsure of what to say until I gathered myself.