Page 64 of Wanna Bet?

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Their apartment quickly became a refuge. Not because it fixed anything, nothing could, but because being alone with his thoughts was exhausting. Ellis and Issaky had a way of forcing life to continue whether he wanted it to or not.

There was always food. Always background noise. Always some ridiculous show playing on television. Always one of them talking. Always a reason to leave the couch.

One night turned into two. Two turned into three. By the tenth evening, Jace had become such a permanent fixture in their apartment that nobody questioned his presence anymore. He drifted between the couch and the guest room, helped himself to whatever was in the fridge, and fell into the rhythm of their lives as if he'd always belonged there.

Tonight, Issaky sat cross-legged on the floor assembling some absurdly complicated craft project while Ellis lounged upside down on the couch, his legs hanging over the back cushions.

Jace stared blankly at the television. Some cartoon that he had never heard of played on. It was stupid and perfect for dissociating.

Eventually Ellis muted it and the sudden silence made him look up.

"What?"

"We're talking about it."

Jace groaned. "No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Absolutely."

Issaky nodded. "Definitely."

Traitors. Jace rubbed both hands over his face. "I don't know what there is to talk about."

Ellis stared at him. "Seriously?"

"Yes."

"Dude."

Jace sighed. The familiar ache settled in his chest. "I don't know what I'm supposed to think."

The room fell quiet. For once neither friend interrupted. "She lied to me."

Nobody argued. Nobody defended her. That somehow made it easier to continue.

"Or maybe not lied exactly." He swallowed. "I don't know anymore." His voice sounded tired, even to him. "She told me eventually."

"She did," Issaky agreed. "After weeks."

Jace leaned forward, elbows on his knees. Frustration finally bubbling to the surface. "I don't know what's real."

The confession hung in the room, raw and painfully honest. Jace wasn't used to opening up to people. He usually just kept everything bottled up and to himself

He stared at the floor. "The first date, the game nights, the lake.” Every smile. Every touch. Every kiss. "How am I supposed to know when it stopped being a bet?"

Silence fell across the room. Issaky set down his project as Ellis sat upright. Neither of them seemed to know what to say. Ellis couldn't fix this with one of his stupid speeches, and Issaky couldn’t drop words of encouragement.

"I loved her." The words slipped out before he could stop them.

Loved. Past tense. Except it wasn't. Not really. Because the truth was sitting heavy in his chest. He still loved her, and that was the problem. If he'd stopped loving her, this would be easier. If he'd hated her, maybe he could move on. Instead, every memory hurt because every memory still mattered.

"I know," Ellis said quietly.