Page 136 of Under Restless Skies

Many turbulent emotions battle inside me as I leave Mallor’s office, and yet my focus lingers on the enormity of the task ahead of me.

The impossible task.

Nelly’s in my room when I arrive, staring at the pawns and dragons board. For a second, I blink and see Celine sitting before her, losing with a smile on her face.

“You got the news, then?” My voice is hoarse.

Nelly crosses the room and wraps her arms around my shoulders, and we share a hug. Share our pain.

She finally steps back and looks at me, her eyes deep and sorrowful. “So sudden. And during training?”

“Yes.”

Nelly’s expression is thoughtful, with no signs of crying. “We always think we’ll die during an attack or something, but I suppose it was her time to meet Thantos.”

“At least she’ll have no issue when he weighs her good and bad deeds.”

“She won’t.” Nelly’s smile is sad.

I sit on my bed, unsure what to say. Guilt is still corroding me. Celine didn’t want to fly, didn’t want to train, and yet she was forced to do it. I had a connection with Alayel all this time, and didn’t try to help her.

Nelly looks at me. “Her death hit you hard.”

More than her death. So much more, but I don’t know how much I can tell her. But there’s one thing I can do. “Have you considered… leaving this place?”

She blinks, confused. “Why? And I can’t.”

“I know. But… Celine didn’t need to be in that training, didn’t need to be flying. She was offered the chance to quit the academy. I could find a way for you to⁠—”

“Leave? And do what?” Annoyance is clear in her voice. “Seriously, Mayara, what was Celine supposed to do?”

“Survive. Do something else.”

Nelly huffs. “Is that what you’d like to offer me? To be expelled?”

“Yes. I can help you find a way out. I can do it now. I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it in a few months.”

She laughs in disbelief. “You don’t get it, do you? Of course you don’t. Have you ever gone to bed hungry?”

Her question’s unfair. “This has nothing⁠—”

“It has everything to do with me staying in this academy.” Pain threads through her yell. “People will do anything, anything for a plate of food. For guaranteed food every day, of course I’ll jump into the air and face dragons. I don’t have a choice. You do, and even here, you have all this privilege. Life’s easy for you.”

I want to argue with her, tell her that nothing in my life has been easy, that I had to earn everything I have, but it wouldn’t change her mind. And it’s true that right now I have more privilege than she does. “I understand.”

Plus, I need to tell her at least part of what I saw. “But listen, I wanted to honor Celine in death, and I couldn’t. They take the bodies right away, take them straight to Auranius. Who knows if he even burns us.” We have discussed this before, so I don’t think I’m revealing anything I shouldn’t.

“I don’t care what happens after I die, Mayara. I just want to survive. I’ll make a game of it if I have to. One more day, and one more day, and one more day. There are many ways to survive in the academy. In the Sky Guard too. You’re not the only cunning person here. You’re not the only one who knows how to seduce the the right men.”

I can’t believe she’s saying that, can’t believe she’s suggesting I seduced Alayel as part of some scheme, but I also know she’s upset, and I don’t want to keep arguing and risk losing another friend. “I’m sorry. My offer was not meant to offend you.”

She pauses, as if stunned by my apology, and looks down. “No. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just…sometimes things feel so unfair. Still, don’t offer to get me out of this place. It’s not kindness, Mayara.”

“I won’t suggest it again.” And yet the thought of what will happen to her once she dies turns my stomach.

Would she change her mind if I told her the truth? Somehow, I doubt it. I couldn’t save Celine—and I can’t save Nelly.

Worst of all, Celine’s death is my fault. My fault for interfering, for not letting her get expelled. But she didn’t want to leave the academy!