Page 123 of Break Me

“We could attempt debulking surgery,” he says, “but given the extent of spread and the ascites, it wouldn’t remove all disease. It wouldn’t cure her.”

My hands curl into fists.

“Then chemo,” I say. “Radiation. Trials. Something.”

“We can offer chemotherapy,” he says. “It may shrink the tumors temporarily and buy her some time.”

“That’s fine,” I say immediately. “We’ll do it.”

Raven turns her head toward me.

Slowly.

Her eyes search my face like she’s measuring how far I’ve already gone.

“Sam.”

A warning.

“We have to try.” My voice is steady, but even I can hear the edge beneath it. “We can't just...”

“I know,” she says softly. She keeps her eyes on mine when she says it.

Not defensive.

Certain.

Then she turns back to the doctor. “What does buy time look like?”

The doctor doesn’t rush the answer. “The disease is aggressive. Even with therapy, it may only extend life by several months.”

“Realistically,” she says again, “what does my life look like?”

The room falls silent. The oncologist folds his hands on the desk and exhales before answering. “With the extent of disease you have,” he says carefully, “treatment would be intensive. Chemotherapy is typically given in cycles, every few weeks.”

He pauses.

“For several days after each infusion, you’d likely feel very ill. Significant nausea. Profound fatigue. You may not have the strength to leave your bed.”

Raven doesn’t move.

The doctor continues.

“Your immune system would be suppressed. Even minor infections could require hospitalization. We’d monitor you very closely.”

Her hand tightens in mine.

“You’ll lose your hair,” he says gently. “And your appetite will decrease further. There could be neuropathy, numbness or pain in your hands and feet.”

“How much of the time would I feel like that?” she asks.

He doesn’t dodge it. “A large portion of it.”

My lungs seize. I forget how to breathe. I pull in air, but it doesn’t feel like it reaches anywhere.

“With advanced disease and ascites,” he adds, “you may require procedures to drain fluid from your abdomen. That can provide relief, but it would need to be repeated.”

“Would it cure me?” she asks.