Page 258 of Knot Their Soldier: Part Three

"I used Omega Command to make them kill each other," I whisper. "Right at the end, when I thought we were about to die, I got desperate and it was so easy."

"You did what you had to do to save your people." His hand slides up to cup the back of my neck. "Halley, they came here to wipe all of us out. You didn’t start the war, and you didn’t enjoy what you had to do to end it."

I close my eyes.

The nightmare still clings to me like smoke, but holding onto Shade feels solid and I can finally breathe past it instead of drowning underneath it.

We sit in silence for a while after that, tucked beneath the blankets while Blaze, Viper, and Knox sleep heavily beside us and the fortress settles into the quiet rhythm of the middle of the night.

Shade’s fingers comb slowly through my hair.

My body finally starts unclenching around the nightmare, but my mind keeps circling the same thought it always lands on lately.

"I keep thinking about what Everlyn said," I admit softly.

Shade’s hand stills briefly against my scalp before continuing again.

"The test?" he asks.

I nod against his chest.

The words feel strangely difficult to say out loud, even now. We haven't spoken about it since we found out the results at the end of the battle. I didn’t feel like it was the right time with so many of our dead to bury and everything still uncertain in the weeks afterwards.

"I’m not pregnant."

The confession settles heavily between us, and even after my horrible nightmare, talking about this somehow feels more frightening.

"I thought I’d feel sad if the test was negative," I say, tracing shapes with my finger through the brown hair on Shade's arm. "Or devastated. Like I was supposed to mourn it."

Shade says nothing, waiting me out.

Instead of pressure, I remember the feeling that hit me when Everlyn spoke.

Relief.

It was not despair or sadness, but rather pure relief.

My stomach knots.

"I’m not disappointed," I admit quietly for the first time out loud and let it sit in the room with us. Shade doesn't react or rush to fill the silence. He simply sits with it beside me.

"Shade?"

"Mmm?"

"I don’t think I want to be pregnant," I say all at once, gushing out of me like I can't hold it inside for a moment longer. "Not now, and maybe not ever."

There is a pang in my belly, a curling of anxiety that flares to life as the words leave me. My entire life, Omegas have been spoken about like our bodies belong to our future children before they ever belong to us. Fertility, breeding, babies, and children are all treated as the ultimate purpose of an Omega’s life.

I brace myself for even the smallest flicker of sadness from Shade through the bond. A hint that my words have affected him in the way I've dreaded for the last few weeks.

It never comes.

"Listen to me carefully, Halley."

Shade’s hand slides from my hair to my jaw, guiding me to look up at him.

"There is nothing wrong with you for feeling that way," he says gently. He tilts my head up with an index finger under my chin and holds me there carefully so I can't avoid his eye contact. "Absolutely nothing."