Page 143 of Knot Their Soldier: Part Three

Knox has confessed that he hasn't come up with an answer, and Halley hasn't either, which means I need to find one.

We have proof Omega Command can hold a single officer long enough to force a retreat, a phenomenon that Alpha Command has never been able to achieve, and if that officer spent days feeding Halley's retreat orders back into their chain of command, it would explain the delay before this push.

The problem is that they now know that we have a new weapon.

They’ve had time to identify that a Command was used, spot the weakness we exploited, tighten their ranks, and start treating their leaders like they're potentially compromised. They'll have implemented two-factor authentication for all orders.

Or at least that is what I would do.

Every time I run through our options, I keep hitting walls.

Amplify the Command with speakers, radios, anything that carries her voice?

It won't work, or Alpha Commands would have stopped this war decades ago. Commands only function when it's face-to-face.

Rely on using it repeatedly and hope that it sticks?

We haven't been able to test the strength of her Command since her resurrection, and we don't know what effect repeated use will have on Halley's health. Even if she can turn away a dozen soldiers at a time, it will amount to nothing against the thousands marching toward us.

After days spent trying to work out a plan, I still don't have a hypothesis I can defend. Just a clock ticking down.

My hands start to shake, and I tighten them around my datapad.

I could blame the lack of sleep or the caffeine burning through my empty stomach, but I know the truth. I’m fucking scared. It’s been a long time since a battle frightened me, not since I joined Scorch Squad, and now I have more to lose than ever before.

I breathe in deeply and exhale slowly as I force the fear back into factual order.

Six days until the enemy reaches us.

Four days until Halley’s pregnancy test.

Despite my conversation with Halley and my promise not to suppress my emotions, I've been shoving my feelings about the pregnancy into a tiny box in the corner of my mind.

I’ve been treating her possible pregnancy as an unresolved variable. There’s no confirmed result or reliable data; therefore, there is no point using my limited time and capacity to build a plan around something that is a mere possibility. This fortress needs me focused on facts, which means I have kept that thought sealed off every time it tries to intrude.

Except now the thoughts are leaking out, and I can't shove them back into the box.

The test is in four days, and the battle is in six.

Cause-and-effect scenarios flood through my mind faster than I can organize them.

If the result is negative, Halley walks into the battle with her Omega Command as our only advantage, and we all probably die.

If the result is positive, Halley walks into the battle with her Omega Command as our only advantage while carrying our child, and we all still probably die.

My hands shake harder around the datapad.

This is why I've been avoiding thinking it, because the moment I do, it all starts to unravel inside of me.

I can’t remove her from the equation and have her stay inside the fortress while the battle rages outside. Halley won’t let me, and tactically, she’s right. Without her Command, there is no scenario in which we keep the enemy at bay, and when the Pass falls, the thousands sheltering in Blackreach die.

If she goes out onto the battlefield, she might be killed by the enemy. She might die in a thousand different ways, and I know I won't be able to handle seeing her die again, but that's fine because I'll be dead too.

And, fuck, then there is the unknown variable of her Omega Command. It's always been an unstable, brutal power that sucks the life out of Halley as payment, so what will it do to our unborn child?

There’s no research I can pull up, and the only notes on the topic are my own. There is no precedent with the Omega Command and no safe assumption.

I try to force the escalating thoughts back into order, but they refuse to stay contained. Scenarios stack, variables shift, and possible outcomes race ahead until one catches and holds.