Page 99 of The Man I Hate

“I’ll give $49,000,” he said, “because you owe me a grand. A bet’s a bet.”

“That’ll work.”

“Good karma brings good karma,” he said. “Maybe I’ll win the lottery.”

“Maybe so,” I said in agreement. “Transfer the money. Ninety-nine k, total.”

“Take me with you when you donate this shit,” he pleaded. “Maybe some smoking hot nurse will give me some pussy in appreciation.”

“If I were you, the last person I’d be fucking right now would be a nurse,” I said. “They’re exposed to this infection all day, every day.”

“They’re not touching it with their twats,” he argued.

“They’re touching it with their hands, and then their wiping their twats after they piss, aren’t they?”

“Son-of-a-bitch,” he grumbled. “I can’t win.”

“Send the money. I need to pay for this stuff before someone else buys it.”

“Will do,” he said.

“Appreciate it, Pratt.”

“Tell Annie I said hi.”

“Anna.”

“That’s what I meant.”

“I’ll let you know when this deal’s secure,” I said.

“Talk to you later.”

I hung up the phone and pushed it onto the island. “I hate talking on the phone with him. He’s impossible to argue with in person.”

Anna peered over the top of her laptop. “How many masks does $100,000 buy?”

“In the middle of this mess? They’re $5.00 each. So, it ought to buy 20,000. On this deal, I talked him into accepting a pre-pandemic price. 80 cents each. Shipping is what’s killing me.”

“Are you friends with any of the people you work with?” she asked.

I wasn’t really friends with anyone, other than Pratt.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Any of the Hollywood types? Are you on a first name basis with any of them?”

“Oh. Sure.”

“A lot of them?”

I shrugged. “On a professional level, I’d say there are quite a few. Why?”

“Do you have an Instagram account?”

I gave her a look of sheer disbelief. “Do I look like I fuck with social media?”

“Well.” She lifted her phone. “I do. And I’ve got several thousand followers on my dealership page. Get one of your Hollywood friends to donate their time or give you a signed movie poster or something or the other, and then use it to sweeten the pot with your supplier. See if he’ll throw in shipping. You can tag the person who makes the donation on my Instagram account when you give the hospital the stuff. We’ll do a fancy picture of you bumping elbows or something within the limits of the social distancing measures.”