Page 41 of Sex On A Plate

ITALIAN MEATBALLS

DIFFICULTY: The same as Play-Doh

TIME: 40 minutes

What you’ll need from the cupboard: A large skillet, mixing bowl, a plastic slotted spoon, and a plastic spoon without slots. Tongs.

What you’ll need from the pantry: Salt. Pepper. A pound of ground beef. A pound of ground pork (or mild Italian sausage), 3 garlic cloves, 2 cups of Italian breadcrumbs, 1/2 cup grated Romano cheese,1/2 cup grated parmesan cheese, 2 eggs, and parsley. Olive oil to fry them in.

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Smash the garlic cloves with the edge of your knife blade. Chop fine. Chop some more. Chop even more.

Add all the meat, the eggs, the finely chopped garlic, the two types of cheese, and the breadcrumbs to the mixing bowl.

Mix by hand.

Get a cup and a half of water as hot as your faucet will make it.

Add the hot water to the meat mixture about 1/4 cup at a time, folding it into the meat as you add it. This isn’t a process that takes a tremendous amount of time, so don’t overthink it. Just mix in the water to saturate the breadcrumbs and moisten everything. Don’t dump it in all at once, though. You’ll have a fucking mess.

When you get done, the mixture will be extremely moist and gummy.

Make the meatballs whatever size you prefer. I like them about the size of a meatball. Haha. Between an 1-1/2 and 1-3/4” diameter.

Pour olive oil into a skillet about 1/4” deep. Heat the skillet over a slightly hotter than medium burner, but not quite medium high.

Fry the meatballs in the oil, turning them with tongs at the 5-minute mark. Cook for 8-10 minutes total, depending on size, or until the outside turns brown and crispy. For a meatball as described above, 8 minutes is perfect.

Drain on a paper towel lined plate.

These can be eaten on a hoagie bun with marinara sauce and mozzarella, added to your favorite spaghetti sauce, or eaten with sautéed peppers and onions.

If you want a real treat, do this:

Warm up some RAO’S Marinara.

Turn on the oven’s broiler.

Butter the faces of a 6” hoagie bun or Italian bun. Toast the bread in a skillet, butter side down until it’s toasty and browned.

Slice 6 meatballs in half. Place them on the face of the toasted bun. Set the open-faced bun on a parchment paper covered cookie sheet.

Cover the meatballs with RAO’S sauce. Cover the sauce with mozzarella. Broil for 5 minutes, or until the cheese is melted and bubbly.

As far as sandwiches go, the above example is right up there.

My kids LOVE these meatballs with spaghetti (in sauce), including the impossible to satisfy 4-year-old girl, Charlee.

She always says, “Dad, can we have spaghetti with meatballs tonight?” even if we ate them two days prior.

Enjoy.