Page 26 of Sex On A Plate

SECTION THREE

FAR FROM BASIC

Scott’s Spaghetti Pie

Cabbage Rolls

Not Your Mother’s Meatloaf

Perfect Pork Shoulder

2-Meat 11-Layer Lasagna

Chicken and Rice Casserole

Skillet Steak

SCOTT’S SPAGHETTI PIE

DIFFICULTY: Ever made a mud pie?

TIME: An hour to cook and 15 minutes of prep if you’re a slow mover.

What you’ll need from the cupboard: A stock pot, skillet, 13x9 casserole dish, a spaghetti spoon, kitchen scissors, a mixing bowl, and a colander.

What you’ll need from the pantry: Pam Cooking Spray, salt, pepper, dried parsley, 16 oz package of spaghetti, a cup of grated parmesan, 3 eggs, a jar of RAO’S Homemade Marinara Sauce (or sauce of choice), a cup of grated mozzarella (not a must, but if you have it, great), 1/2 a cup of shredded cheddar cheese, olive oil, and a pound of ground beef.

* * *

Brown the pound of hamburger and drain the grease. Add the jar of RAO’S sauce. Let simmer.

Cook the spaghetti according to the directions, less 2 minutes. You’ll want the noodles a little undercooked for this recipe.

Dump noodles in the colander and rinse with cold water. Rinse them enough that you’re comfortable handling them.

When they’re cool enough to handle, take a little more than half of the noodles out (almost three quarters).

Set the other noodles aside. You’ll want them later.

Toss the “little more than half” portion of noodles into the mixing bowl. Add 3 eggs, a cup of grated parmesan, half a cup of grated mozzarella, three good solid dashes of parsley, salt, pepper, and about a tablespoon of olive oil. Mix well with your hands.

Set aside.

Wash your nasty hands. Raw eggs make people sick. Or dead. I’d tell a story at this point, but it’s too fucking sad.

Yes.

Someone died. A family member.

Just wash your fucking hands.

Spray the casserole dish with Pam.

Preheat your oven to 350.

Take your kitchen scissors and cut the remaining noodles (the ones you set aside a moment ago) into pieces about half their original size. Maybe a little smaller than half. Fuck it, cut them into thirds.

Take the reduced-size noodles to the stove and toss them in with the sauce. Mix well. Remove the skillet from stove.