Page 37 of The Fed Sex Man

“Not even the best butter pecan cone in the world?”

“Nope.”

“Well, I love sex. In fact, nothin’s better than sex, as far as I’m concerned. Not even a fifteen-dollar and fifty-cent butter pecan cone. And when my cock’s being choked to death by some undersized condom, I can’t enjoy sex, no differently than you wouldn’t be able to enjoy that cone.”

Straight-faced, Jenny reached for her purse. After rummaging inside of it for a moment, she tossed a condom on the table, beside the bowl of salsa. “There’s a Trojan. That fits ninety-five percent of the population.”

She threw another one down. “Here’s a Magnum XL. That fits the four point nine-nine percent of that five percent that can’t fit into a Trojan.”

“And this.” She tossed a third condom onto the table. “Is a Beyond Seven, Mega Big Boy XL. It fits the upper echelon of cocks. The point one percent that are packing some real cock magic.”

She slid the three condoms to Shawn’s side of the table. “Go see which one fits.”

Shawn looked at the condoms, and then at her. “What if the Beyond Seven fits? Do I get a prize?”

“That BeyondSeven is a glass slipper,” she said with a laugh. “If that fucker fits, I’ve found my Cinderella.”

Shawn scooped up the Beyond Seven Condom and marched to the bathroom.

I looked at Tyson. “He’s insane.”

He chuckled. “Tell me about it.”

I gestured toward the two remaining condoms. “Do you always carry various condoms in your purse?”

“Yeah,” Jenny said. “Don’t you?”

I was on birth control, but I really didn’t need to be. It wasn’t like I ever relied on it, or anything. I damned sure didn’t need to carry an assortment of condoms in my purse.

“No,” I said. “I’m on birth control.”

Jenny looked at Tyson and cocked an eyebrow. “Do you feel like you’re being choked out when you wear a condom? Or was he just talking shit?”

“Personally, I hate wearing condoms,” Tyson replied. “But, I wear ‘em for birth control.”

“Does it feel like you’re being choked out?”

Tyson shrugged. “Not if they fit.”

“I’m not even going to ask,” Jenny said.

Shawn strutted down the aisle toward the booth, whistling the entire way. After taking a seat at Jenny’s side, he tossed her the condom’s empty wrapper. “There you go.”

Her brows raised. “Well?”

He grinned. “Got it on now.”

“Does it fit?”

“Like a little glove.”

She took a precursory look around the restaurant. “Should we have the waitress bring the check?”

“You two can leave if you want.” Tyson placed his hand on the inside of my thigh. “But we’re going wait to fuck until after we eat. Considering what I’ve got planned, I’m going to need some nourishment before we get started.”

My face flushed. As if aware of my condition, Tyson’s hand crept toward my tingling pussy.

I glanced in my lap. I couldn’t have placed the spine of Colleen Hoover’s new release between the heel of his palm and my clit. It was the closest I’d been to sex in six years.