Page 6 of Baby Girl

“Now that’s an older dude I would fuck,” Heather said, pointing to the lead singer.

As we started to walk toward the platform, he looked up. He was wearing a ball cap, and had it pulled tight down over his eyes. Average height, and stalky, he was extremely attractive. A very manly presence, but he was kind of cute at the same time. He played the guitar as he sang, and he sang from his soul.

“Oh, I’d fuck that guy until he begged me to stop,” I said.

As we passed the stage to go to the parking lot, a gorgeous petite blonde who was standing beside the stage gave me the stink eye. I suspect she was either some groupie or his girlfriend.

“And I’d make that little blonde bitch watch,” I said, laughing.

As we exited the fenced portion of the patio, they finished the song. “Ladies and gentlemen, Timmy Jonas and the Whiskey Militia. Timmy Jonas…” someone said over the sound system.

Timmy Jonas. I decided I would look him up on Facebook in my car before I left the parking lot.

Right after I masturbated.

KELLI. I couldn’t believe that he actually came into the dealership. I had not been home from college for two weeks, and I had seen him at the bar, and he came into the dealership. I acted like I had never seen him before when he came up to my desk, and he obviously believed me. I felt so different in his presence. So different. This was unsettling. I felt as if he told me to do something, I would do whatever he said. There was a certain comfort in being near him. I didn’t want him to leave when pulled away on his motorcycle. When he was gone, after he pulled away from the lot, I missed him. His smell, his presence, his little smirk that he wore oh-so-well. I desperately wanted him to be near me again. I wanted to feel his hands touch me.

Driving home was taking forever. He said, as best I could remember, before your head hits your pillow tonight… What did that mean, exactly? Right now was before my head hit my pillow. Was I supposed to wait until I was about to fall asleep and text him in my almost sleepy state of mind? Maybe he wanted to convince me of things as I was groggy that he couldn’t convince me of otherwise.

Who was I kidding? He could get me to do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. I have never felt this immediate attraction, this anything toward someone before. Even though I never wanted to allow myself to become attached to someone, I had felt attracted to men before. I had never, however, felt anything remotely close to this. His breath on my ear, enunciate, Kelli. Erik with a “K’.

I almost wet myself right there. Right there in the dealership. On the sales floor. Enunciate. His hot breath barely felt on my outer earlobe. It was enough to almost drop me to my knees. Did he know that? Was he aware of what he was doing? I bet he was well aware. Hell yes he was. Who else would come into a dealership and whisper such absolute nothingness into some random girl’s ear? The way he walked. The way I felt, as if in his presence, no one would be able to get by with anything without him just crushing them. Doctor or no doctor, I bet he knew how to fight. I bet he would fight for me. The thought of him filled me.

As I sat at the light, waiting to turn left, I heard a motorcycle getting closer. I turned left. Nothing. I turned right. Nothing. Where was it coming from? I spun around and looked to the rear of the car in the blind spots. Finally, there it was. Shit, not Erik. What had he done to me? All we had done was walk outside. That’s it. A walk outside. We didn’t even really talk, we just stood there. He told me to text him. That was all. I was hanging on his every word. Hopeful that they were intended to mean as much as I wanted them to. Hopeful for having more with him than I had ever wanted with or from anyone else. Ever.

My heart racing from hearing the motorcycle, I began to pull away from the light. Thinking of what I actually wanted from Erik, I exited the frontage road, got onto the highway, and drove west down Kellogg, headed toward Old Town. What I wanted. What was it that wanted? Did I want it, or did I just want to think about it? I felt as if I was being sucked into some form of game and I had no idea what the rules were.

And I hadn’t even talked to him yet. Not really. The thought of him excited me greatly and not in ways that normally excited me. I had a tremendous desire to see him. To understand him. I wanted to know him, to see what it was that made him be the way that he was. His motorcycle, the tattoos, and that physique. His way of walking that made him look like he had no care in the world, and didn’t fear anything.

Watching him just walk to that motorcycle almost made me melt. I don’t know that I could accurately describe or define what it was that he did to me, the way he made me feel that was different. Maybe it was just that – the unknown. The not knowing exactly what it was that made him up. Not knowing what it was that he would want from me, desire of me, and require of me.

What in the world was I thinking? I never had these types of thoughts before. I never consciously wanted a man before. I settled for whoever I decided that I was going to spend time with, and I spent time with them until I didn’t want to anymore, and then I was on to the next person. Having a want for one person was what made people weak. It’s what made people make stupid decisions like getting married and having a family and becoming divorced. Who knows? Maybe he wouldn’t even answer.

What if he was just playing a game…?

I got my phone and pulled the business card from my purse. Erik Ead. I typed the number into my text screen, saved it as Erik Ead, and thought. As I exited the highway and began driving into Old Town, I contemplated whether or not to send a lengthy text, a cute text, or something sexy. These things we girls have to decide. What should I say? I am going to struggle with this all night.

I pulled into the parking lot, and eased the car into the basement parking garage. After I parked, I sat in the car and thought. I typed into the text screen.

Erik Ead: This is Kelli. How are you this evening?

I read and reread the message. It seemed too simple. Too long. Too stupid. I erased it. Quickly, I typed another message.

Erik Ead: I am not ready for bed, it’s still early. But, this IS before my head hit’s my pillow, so…

I looked at the message. I read it, and reread it. I’m not ready for bed, it’s still early. I’m not in bed. I’m in bed. I wish you were here. My head hasn’t hit my pillow. I wish you hadn’t left so soon, have time to talk? I thought of every combination of ways to text him. What has happened? Think, Kelli, think. This is easy. Think like he’s going to think. Send what he wants to read, but not what he expects. Don’t be some stupid girl. I pondered a moment, and typed a new text.

Erik Ead: As instructed, Kelli

I pushed send.

I stared at my phone. Nothing. I waited. Nothing. I reopened my text screen, nothing. I grabbed my purse, pulled my keys from the ignition, and got out of the car. Clutching my phone in my hand, I started walking to the elevator. My heels clicking on the concrete basement floor, every step was amplified. With each click of my heels, I remembered walking behind him in the parking lot. I pushed the button and waited for the elevator. As I waited, I checked my phone. Nothing. I held my purse with my chin, and used both hands to power the phone off. As I depressed the button, killing the power, the elevator opened.

“Hey Kelli, how’s it going,” Wes said as he walked around me. About three steps past me, he turned and waited for a response.

“Great Wes, thanks. I’m just headed up to the loft to relax,” I responded.

“Have a great night.”