Page 94 of Undefeated

“I love you,” she said, still relaxing with her eyes closed.

“Remember what I said about talking?” I asked.

“Uh huh,” she responded.

“Well, I have a simple question for you Kace. Well, I guess it’s a statement and a question,” I said.

She opened her eyes.

“Just like you said, let me finish, okay?” I asked.

She nodded.

“My father Kace. He abused my mother. I had repressed the memory for my entire life. That day when we opened the chest, I had a mental breakdown. My mind brought all of the memories back, and I shut down. The second day, I went to a psychiatrist. He brought up a lot of points about my childhood. We don’t need to talk about all of them now, but I’ll tell you a few,” I took a deep breath and kissed her stomach again.

“My father used to beat my mother, and the only place I had to hide was in my room. I hid under a blanket that I thought was special. I thought it had protective powers. I thought if I hid under it, he wouldn’t beat me, and that he was also not really beating my mother. It’s taken me a month to realize some of these things,” I took another shallow breath and kissed her stomach.

“I hide in my hoodie as a result of my childhood. I find comfort there. It’s sad, but that’s why I wear it. I’m not ready to stop, Kace, but I think I’m getting better,” I kissed her stomach again as she wiped tears from her eyes.

“I hated my father for it for a while. But that speech you gave at the ring, at the fight…well, it made all too much sense. I already felt that way, but you saying it made it sink in. I suppose my father was sick about my mother leaving. And his way of clearing his head was to fight the only way he knew – as a US Marine in a war that he couldn’t win. He died fighting. In a sense, he died fighting so he didn’t have to beat another woman. At least that’s what I’m thinking,” I paused and took another breath as I started to fill with emotion.

I got this.

“My grandfather did the same thing. I’m sure of it. He beat my grandmother until she left. I don’t remember it, not really. But I am starting to. Generations of abuse creates generations of abusers. The chain has to be broken, and rebuilt. It can’t merely be broken and left alone, or it’s all for nothing,” I explained.

With both hands and without talking, she wiped the tears from her eyes. It was all I could do to see her cry. I attempted to maintain my composure as I finished. I was almost done.

I took another breath.

“Now, the question,” I exhaled.

KACE. I was an emotional mess. I wasn’t ready for all of this talk. Shane had me on cloud nine, and now this talk was so sad. I felt so sorry for him, for his father, and for his grandfather. I felt sorry for their wives, but basically, they were me.

We’re the same.

Shane is a good man. I know he couldn’t control his father, especially not as a child. Now his fighting made a lot more sense. He was fighting against everything that he hated. He was fighting to make everything make sense.

He was fighting for me and those like me.

“So, the chain. It’s gotta be broken and rebuilt,” he said as he lifted his lips from my stomach.

“People in an abusive relationship have children. The girls grow up and get beaten. The boys grow up and beat women. From time to time, a girl or boy is born that’s different. I’m that boy. But for me Kace, for me - I need to fix this. I need to start something to fix it. To fix me,” he said.

He rubbed his face with his hand and took a breath.

“This is where you come in,” he smiled.

“Kace, I want to, someday…not right now, but someday - I want to have children with you. I want that. I want to raise children the right way. I want to raise them in a house with a yard and a swing set and everything that kids need. I want to be there every day and provide them with the answer to every question they can muster,” he paused and took a breath.

His eyes were filled with tears, but none leaked out.

I couldn’t take it any longer. I sat up and wrapped my arms around him. I loved this man with every morsel of my existence. No one, at any time or place, has ever loved or respected a man as much as I love and respect Shane Dekkar. I held him a close as I could - smashing my body against his.

My flowers.

My car.

One day he wants kids