Page 43 of Finding Parker

Unless something changed.

I often visualized that one day I would come home and find her in the kitchen cooking dinner. In the dream, she would announce to me although the pain was still noticeable, she felt it could be managed. Later, after a few days of living in a lesser medicated state, she would realize she was nothing more than an addict, and accept my suggestion to receive some type of treatment for her addiction. After a thirty day treatment program, she would emerge a different person.

I wanted to introduce Parker to her, and have her accept him as being who he was to me. To do so now would be an exercise in futility and an embarrassing situation for me. Frustrated, I got dressed and looked in the mirror on the back of my bedroom door.

Beautiful, simply beautiful.

Eager to meet Parker and see Kenton and Downes again, I opened my door and walked toward the bathroom. Fifteen minutes and I’ll be out of here. It’s strange how things change in life. Before Parker, I had no reason to do anything but read, work, and take care of my mother. Although I was never satisfied with my mother’s state of being, I was not as frustrated as I am now. I was at that point in time, however, satisfied with my life as a whole. Now, my annoyance with her condition was at an all-time high, and I wanted her to change. I hoped for a normal life with Parker, and to have any resemblance of that with her in this state was nothing short of impossible.

“Will you at least turn it down enough that I can’t hear it over the hair dryer?” I asked as I walked past.

Nothing.

I turned to face her and in doing so realized she was asleep. It wasn’t uncommon for her to fall asleep immediately after taking a pill. It was as if the initial jolt of whatever the narcotics provided was just too much, and it would cause her to pass out. After an hour long nap, she would awaken in a more medicated state, sometimes angry she had missed a portion or all of whatever was blaring away on the television. Quietly, I stepped into the room, turned down the television, and placed the remote control in her lap beside her hand.

Silence.

Pleased at the sound of nothing, I walked in the bathroom and shut the door. After fifteen minutes, my hair was dry, curled, and my make-up done. I’ve never used a tremendous amount of make-up, and always felt the less I used the better I looked. We all, however, need something.

Satisfied my only improvement could be to have Parker by my side, I opened the bathroom door.

Silence.

Feeling frustrated with her in general but fractionally guilty for not telling her the absolute truth about my whereabouts for the afternoon, I walked into the living room to tell her goodbye. I lowered my lips to her forehead and kissed her gently, being careful not to wake her. Her skin felt cool against my warm lips.

Probably her lowered heart rate.

I kissed her again.

This isn’t normal.

I brushed her hair aside and kissed her again.

“Mother, I’m leaving,” I pressed my hands against her upper arms and softly shook her.

“Mom,” I pressed harder.

“No. No. No. Don’t do this,” I reached behind her shoulders and tried to help her sit up in the chair.

The sheer weight of her body prevented me from lifting her from the seat. I released her shoulders and pressed my hand against her forehead. It felt cold against my palm, but not that cold. Frantic, I unzipped my clutch, pulled out my phone, and made two phone calls.

“Nine one one, do you have an emergency?” the operator asked.

“Yes. It’s my mother. She isn’t responding and she feels kind of cool.”

“Your address. What is your address, ma’am?”

“648 Wichita Ave, El Cajon. She won’t. She doesn’t respond.”

“Ma’am, I’ll dispatch an ambulance immediately. When did she last show signs of responding or speak to you?”

“Uhmm. After. After I took my…no I mean before. I’m sorry, I’m nervous. It was before my shower. Maye thirty minutes ago.”

“Is she taking any medications or did she ingest anything that you’re aware of? Does she have any allergies?”

“She uhhm. She just took an OxyContin. Or I think she did. She was taking one when I was getting into the shower. I asked her to turn the T.V. down. Can you hurry? She doesn’t feel really cold, just kind of cold. Like just not really normal. ”

“Does she have a history of using pain killers, ma’am?”