Page 41 of Finding Parker

Hand in hand, we stood silently and stared; both incapable of speaking.

And I began to weep.

VICTORIA. Parker caused me to feel.

Simply stated, I stand afraid I’ll never be the same. I am forever ruined by his simple, caring, thoughtful, and often silent ways. Although I have never been in a position like this with a boy, and have little if anything to compare it to, I know Parker is special. It isn’t merely my lack of experience in being exposed to the male species; it’s the fact this particular male, of the entire species of males, stands out as being beyond exceptional.

For me, that is. I am not so foolish that I don’t realize Parker may not be for everyone. To be quite candid, I reserve hope all other women he may expose himself to despise him and view his humility as pretentious, and consider him a prick. If this were the case, it would eliminate any potential female competition, and solidify my relationship with him.

I desperately want him to be in my life forever. Our relationship is perfect for me, but something most women, or men for that matter, would not understand. We don’t have sex. We rarely kiss, and aren’t overly affectionate, especially in the presence of others. What we have is nothing short of spectacular, but it isn’t what most would perceive as normal.

There’s a part of me, and it is growing like a lump of cancer, that wants to pull Parker’s clothes off and fuck him into a coma. With each passing day, the desire grows. Some days it is far worse than others, but I fight it with every ounce of what I believe is my moral being. For me, sex will only come after marriage.

No exception.

I find one thing about Parker is more satisfying than anything else. He is truly satisfied with what he receives from me, or to state more accurately, doesn’t receive from me, sexually. Not only does he not desire more, he wouldn’t accept it if I were to attempt to force it upon him.

In the parking lot of the restaurant, we had been sitting and talking for almost an hour. Although I really needed to get home and check on my mother, I felt it impossible to leave him. Sometimes, when I have to do something I really despise, I count to five and just do it when five comes.

“I could sit and listen to you talk about absolutely nothing and find tremendous satisfaction in doing so,” he said softly as he raised my hair over my ear with his finger.

One.

“Thank you. I think. I like listening to you, too. It’s like you’re a mentally challenged mini Shakespeare. Not as eloquent, but far more fucking satisfying,” I grinned.

Two.

“Mini Shakespeare. Why thank you. And I have no idea why, but I find it attractive when you curse,” he smiled.

The street lights illuminated the interior of his car with blue-ish warmth. His facial features on the right were shadowed by the rear of the car, making him appear even handsome. As I studied his face and smiled, his index finger followed softly along my jawline. I closed my eyes softly and became hypnotized by his touch. As his finger reached the tip of my chin, I crossed my legs.

You better stop that shit, Parker Bale.

“Good fucking deal,” I whispered, my eyes still closed.

Three.

“You need to stop touching me, you’re driving me crazy,” I whispered.

Four.

“And you, my dear, have driven me crazy since the day we first met. To imagine spending my life without you in it makes me feel ill. Whatever it is you’re doing to me, it’s working,” he said softly.

Five.

Fuck.

“I have to go, I’m sorry. My mother…” I opened my eyes and felt along the door for the door handle.

“I understand,” he responded.

As he opened his door and walked toward my side of the car, I grinned. When he was a few feet from my door, I pulled the handle, opened it, and stepped onto the surface of the parking lot.

“Why can’t you wait for me to open the door for you?” he asked.

“I can. I like screwing with you,” I smiled.

Cautiously, he wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest. Softly, I lowered my head to his shoulder and closed my eyes. This was the time I so looked forward to. The touching. Although I yearned for it always, it came when I needed it the most; immediately prior to our departures. Having it continue in this manner allowed me to practice and exercise resistance to further sexual advancements. As I inhaled a shallow breath of his cologne I felt as if I was growing.