Page 81 of Dirty

I took another breath. “His nightstand drawer was half opened, and his gun was right there in it. Someone came and took him.”

They looked at each other.

Pee Bee looked at me. “Bike, wallet, and his Van’s? All there?”

I nodded. “Yeah.”

“You got the garage open?” Crip asked.

“He gave me a key. His bike’s right there in it. Oh, and the back door. It was unlocked, and when I went to leave…”

My eyes began to well with tears, but I wasn’t about to cry in their presence. “It…It. Uhhm. The door frame. It was splintered. Someone pried it open.”

“Fuck,” Pee Bee said. He looked at Crip. “Calle 18?”

Crip nodded. “Anyone else went in Cholo’s house looking for trouble, we’d be haulin’ ‘em out on a stretcher.”

He looked at me. “Fuck.” He looked at Pee Bee. “We need to go to his house and look around. Clean the place up, just in case the cops come.”

“Follow us,” Crip said.

“She’ll never keep up,” Pee Bee said. He turned toward me. “Just hop on back of mine.”

I left my car where it was parked and hopped on the back of Pee Bee’s bike. As we rode to Adam’s house, I realized that there were going to be times where a motorcycle ride could not dull the pain, or fix what was broken.

And this was one of those times.

TWENTY-FIVE

Cholo

I had no idea how many teeth I was missing. Although at that point I don’t think it would have made much difference if they just would have taken every last one.

I had reached a point during their makeshift extractions that the pain I was feeling was replaced with a ringing in my ears. The ringing became incessant, but it was much more manageable than the alternative.

Sweaty, exhausted, and covered in my blood, they’d left with the promise of returning the following night for more torturous fun.

I’d been burnt, beaten, had my teeth pulled, and endured more pain than I would have expected any human being could possibly tolerate without dying as a result.

My eyes were swollen shut, my lungs were filling with liquid, and I barely had enough energy to turn my head to the side and spit out what blood drained into the cavities of my swollen cheeks.

I despised whoever took the money, but couldn’t force myself to imagine one of the Fuckers had done it, especially after Pee Bee and I had taken the time to explain how important it was that we leave it where it was.

I closed my eyes and prayed until there were no more prayers to say.

In one respect my prayers had been answered, but the answers provided weren’t in respect to my most recent discussions with God. They were prayers I’d said many, many years prior.

As the afternoon sun bore down on the storage building, the temperature inside increased to a point that it became difficult to breathe. The temperature, my exhaustion, and the loss of blood eventually made me delirious.

After spending several hours alone in the sweltering heat and silence, I began to lose touch with reality. An hour or so was spent laughing at nothing at all. Soon thereafter, I began to cry. Incapable of stopping, I cried about everything, and about nothing.

And then, the hallucinations began.

While fading in and out of a dream-like state, I had a revelation. Upon realizing it, I decided I was growing closer to meeting my maker with each tick of the clock.

I closed my eyes and began what was certain to be my last prayer.

Thank you Lord for allowing me to realize that I am a man with little self-worth. I lay here before you filled with shame for allowing myself to lack the confidence required to live a fulfilling life.