Page 9 of Head Under Water

“It’s okay, Mom. I’ve got it. You should go find Margie.”

“But—”

“Mom.”

Her lips curl into a soft smile, and I know she sees the tears I’m trying not to let fall. The brave face I’m forcing. As scared as she is to let me go, I’m scared too. She rests a hand on my shoulder. “Oh, all right. You’re right. I’m starving anyway.” She pulls me into a long hug, stroking my back. Then she says, “Okay. Okay. I’m going. Have fun. Be safe. Call me. Every Saturday, remember?”

“Every Saturday,” I vow.

“I love you.”

“Love you.” My voice cracks, and my cheeks flame. I cannot cry in front of Jess.

And with that, she’s gone.

And I’m officially on my own. Well, except…

Except Will Kendricks is somewhere on this campus, breathing my air. Existing. Ruining.

I tell myself it won’t matter. This college is big enough to swallow him whole, and if I’m lucky, maybe it’ll do just that. Within this place, I can carve out a world that’s all mine. I can finally be the version of me that might exist without Will looming nearby.

CHAPTER SEVEN

AGE 18

“Will is so hot,” Jess shouts above the loud music. The campus party is loud and crowded and smells of sweat and beer. Of course Will is here. At the front of the house, with the group of friends he seems to have made during our month on campus.

Of course he has a handful of friends.

I just have Jess.

It’s always been like that. Him at the center of the universe. Me on the outskirts, orbiting.

The bus. The park. The parties. The conversations that always seemed to hush when I got too close.

I roll my eyes, refusing to look at him. “Disgusting.”

“I can’t believe you got to grow up next door to that.”

“Got to is a strong phrase.”

She tosses her head back with a laugh. Tonight, her dark hair is pinned back in butterfly clips. Those went out of style when we were in elementary school, but somehow, Jess makes them cool again. “Are you sure there’s nothing between you two? Is this one of those hate-fuck situations?”

I nearly choke on my drink. “Don’t. Seriously. I’ll throw up.” I shoot a nasty look Will’s way and find he’s staring at me. Not laughing. Not teasing. Just watching. There’s something unreadable in his expression—something that vanishes the second he notices I’ve caught him.

He flips me off.

I groan. “We hate each other. I’ll forever be forced to spend holidays with him, but as far as I’m concerned, the second I left that house, he was out of my life for good.” I dust my hands.

“Is he…a bad guy or something?”

I open my mouth to answer, but I stop to think. Is Will a bad guy? I feel a sudden tightness in my chest when I remember the things he said at the pool party when I was fourteen. The way the embarrassment burned when he called me plain in front of Isaac Barclay.

I think of the harsh auditorium lights at homecoming. How he dragged me out of the gym in front of everyone, away from Brett Jackson before we could even finish our dance.

Other memories come back to me in flashes.

The spilled punch at Gabe’s party.