Page 14 of Nun’s Prayer

“I’m bad for you,” I murmured.

Blue tightened his arms around me. “I call bullshit.”

“Blue, I care too much to drag you down with me.”

“Nun, you know me better than anyone does. I might be your sexual sub, but I’m not your life submissive. You can’t tell me how to think,” Blue retorted.

That was true. “Blue, I’m emotionally and mentally scarred. You deserve someone who sees rainbows and unicorns. I see monsters and demons. If I didn’t care, I’d take you up on this and to hell with the hurt and pain you’d suffer. I won’t do that to you, Blue.”

“Nun, I have a choice in this,” he argued.

“No, you don’t. Maybe it’s time to end what we have.”

Instead of arguing, Blue hauled me in close and kissed the top of my head. “Don’t even think about that, Nun. You try to finish this, and there’ll be trouble.”

Was it perverse that I longed to see what he’d do? Blue was usually so amenable and laid back. Tonight he was showing a different side of himself, and I really wanted to push some buttons. But some sane part of me hesitated. I didn’t want to lose Blue, not yet. I’d have to give him up one day, and I wasn’t ready to at this point.

“Go to sleep,” I retorted.

Blue made a chuffing noise, and I guessed he thought he’d won. For now, he had.

Blue

“Hey Aunt Kiki,” I said, entering her small house. My aunt looked up from peeling potatoes and smiled.

“Blue! My favourite nephew!”

“Your only damn nephew,” I replied, placing the bags of groceries I’d brought her on the worktop. I snatched the potato peeler from her and took over. Kiki stood, turned on the kettle, and began putting the food away.

“That is true.”

“How are you today?” I questioned, searching her face. Kiki suffered from fibromyalgia. It kicked her ass every day.

“The usual. It’s life, darling.” Kiki shrugged off the pain I knew she was in. The kettle clicked, and Aunt Kiki made some coffee and placed a mug in front of me.

“Where’s Janice?” I asked.

“She quit,” Kiki replied mildly. My antenna twitched; Kiki was hiding something.

“Why?” I finished peeling the potatoes. “You want these chipped?”

“Please. And she stated that she had a better job offer.” Kiki didn’t meet my eyes.

“She heard where I work,” I said, and Kiki shrugged. “Judgemental cunt!” I spat.

“It’s okay, Blue. I can cope.”

“No, you can’t. That’s why we had Janice. When did she quit?”

“Last week.”

“You didn’t tell me?!” I exclaimed, shocked and wounded.

“I didn’t want you worrying. You do enough of that, Blue, darling; I can manage.”

“No, you can’t. Look at how your hands are shaking,” I argued and grasped them gently. Like anyone with fibromyalgia, it hurt Kiki when she was touched.

“I’ll put an ad in today, and stop trying to cook. Aunt Kiki…”