Page 38 of Revenge

“Certainly not. If anyone can excel without a single advantage, they deserve all the success in the world.”

“Really,” I said, keeping my voice flat with disbelief.

He nodded. “Mercia Academy was established to teach poor boys to become elite soldiers for King Henry V. I still stand by those general principles. But you have to understand that not everyone agrees.”

I lowered myself into one of the seats at the other end of the balcony and folded my arms across my chest. “Parents send their children to Mercia Academy because they can afford the fees and want a prestigious education.”

“True.”

“It’s not because they’re better than anyone else.” My knee bounced up and down in time with the agitation pumping through my veins. “The headmaster doesn’t mind accepting a huge donation in exchange for letting someone jump the wait list. Why does having money make someone better than anyone else?”

“It doesn’t.” He placed a foot on the concrete that held up the balcony’s iron posts.

“Then why did you go after Rita?”

“I told you.”

“No.” I shot out of my seat, temper flaring with heat. “That’s the reason you gave to justify your actions. You weren’t protecting a fine institution. You bullied her because it was fun.”

He raised his shoulders. “She was an easy target. I meant it when I said the academy was the only time I felt in control. Turning her from a proud, accomplished girl into a trembling wreck made me feel powerful.”

“Like a king.”

He gave me a soft nod. “Part of me wanted to see the same happen to you.”

“It was all a game,” I whispered, heart plummeting.

“Something about you was so compelling. Each day, I would wake up excited about the prospect of sparring with you. When you got yourself kidnapped, I realized that your fire was the only thing keeping me sane in a world where everything was falling apart.”

My jaw fell slack. Any lingering feelings of guilt I had about exposing International House and getting Edward into trouble blew away in the wind. Was he saying I was no better than a favorite lab experiment?

He lifted his gaze from the river and studied my features. Maybe it was paranoia or a fear of getting caught, but a tiny voice in the back of my mind wondered if this was a test. If I dismissed his confession and acted like I understood, he would become suspicious. He might even work out that I had infiltrated the triumvirate to bring it down and had partially succeeded by exposing Blake.

My posture sagged. Second-guessing the boys was exhausting. As was all this scheming. I turned back to the chair. “You shouldn’t hurt innocent people to make yourself feel better.”

“I realize that now,” he replied.

“What changed?”

“Being your friend gives me more happiness than being your enemy.”

A lump formed in my throat. Edward was so broken. Who else but a tortured soul would ruin people’s lives to feel in control? Or show kindness to others because it made him feel good, not because it was the right thing to do? I would break him further with my actions, and there was not a thing I could do to stop it. The wheels of my betrayal had already been set in motion.

“It’s hard, sometimes.” I forced my features into a rueful smile. “But I keep holding out that we’ll return to how we were before I called the police.”

“Why did you ruin things?” he stared straight into my eyes.

Inside, I bristled. If there had been something to ruin, they wouldn’t have set me up for the kidnapping. I closed my eyes, sucked a deep breath through my nostrils and exhaled.

“I thought the abduction would take Henry.” My throat thickened as memories resurfaced of fighting through fear and horror and grogginess of waking up in a trunk. How could Henry allow that to happen to me? “Those people drugged me at least twice. They were dangerous, or so I thought.”

Edward was silent for several moments. What could you say to a person in a situation like this? Oh, sorry. Our minions injected goodness-knows-what into your system to hide the fact that they were working for us? Hope you’re not too sore about the violation. It was all in a good cause. Ours.

If I was going to convince him, the most skeptical of the triumvirate, then I needed to humble myself and act like every other woman they had cast aside and allowed back into the fold. “If I had known they wouldn’t really take Henry, I wouldn’t have called the police. Maybe next time, confide in me?”

He gave me a half-smile. “I suppose we could have been more forthcoming.”

The words were like a punch to the gut. He supposed? We had been in a relationship. Any more of these lame justifications, half-apologies and attempts to push the blame on me, and I might shove him off the balcony. “Blake and Henry have been quiet. Do you think they’re sleeping?”