Page 9 of The Gentleman Physician

Julia shrunk at the knowledge of her selfish thoughts and determined to do a better job of caring for her cousin. Wallowing in her own misery was out of the question with Virginia’s husband at death’s door.

“I am certain you did all you could, at the time. He convinced you he was well. Please, don’t blame yourself.”

“Charles says the same thing,” Virginia tilted her head back to glimpse the light blue skies, a glimmer of tears in her eyes. But Virginia seemed to make a decision, for she abruptly smiled and met Julia’s eyes, changing the topic swiftly.

“It is time for both of us to look to the future, Julia. Charles has had many a frank discussion with me and we have laid out a plan, which is reflected in his will and estate papers. He didn’t want me to worry after he is gone from us, and I have a very firm direction. It is a cold sort of consolation, but at least there is a plan.”

“Truly, that is good news.” Julia forced a more pleasant smile. “He loves you very much.”

“And I him. Charles is right, Julia. As difficult as it is to move forward, we must have an idea of what comes next. I wonder if I might ask you what your plans are? I understood, from my mother, that there is no immediate need for you at home. You are my indefinite guest, and I am grateful for your company. But what comes next for you?”

Julia’s stomach clenched as she thought on her father’s parting words to her, announcing she would prove no more useful to the family than a spinster-companion for the rest of her days. It hurt to think on, especially after seeing Nathaniel and wondering what might have been. After her sister’s marriage, Julia had little time to spare a thought for herself before being whisked away to Bath.

“I haven’t thought on it much,” she admitted, looking down at her half-boots on the stone walk. “I have kept house for my father, but he wishes me to make myself useful to others for a time. He is rarely at home in the country as it is.”

After several seconds of silence, Virginia slowed their steps. “We are friends, Julia. You may speak to me freely without fear of censure or word getting back to our parents. Has he banished you from home?”

Julia’s eyes prickled and she could not meet her cousin’s eyes, feeling the shame of having such a father. “I believe so. I was sent away with no word saying when I might return. And I don’t really wish to go back, not now that Christine and Rebecca are elsewhere, but it is my home. The only one I’ve ever had. Father is upset with me.” She lifted one shoulder in a limp shrug and tried to laugh, but the sound was choked off quickly by her tears.

Virginia took Julia by the hand to lead her around a little hedge, out of sight of the children, before embracing her tightly. “There, there, Julia. You may cry all you wish here. Heaven knows, we’ve seen our share of tears lately.”

That caused Julia to sob more, her hand over her mouth and her face buried in her cousin’s shoulder. For many years, Julia had been the strong one for her sisters, and she fully expected to be Virginia’s confidant and support, but having permission at last to give vent to her feelings undid her.

After a time, Julia brought herself back under control and moved away, pulling out a handkerchief to wipe at her tears. “Oh, Virginia, I do not wish to add to your burdens.”

But the baroness only laughed in a quiet, gentle way. “I think the secret to life is to share burdens with each other. Somehow, that makes it easier to bear one’s own tragedies, knowing there is someone in whom to confide.”

“Wise words indeed,” Julia said between a sniffle and a grin. “I’m not sure what came over me. But I am better now. Thank you.”

“You are most welcome. And I want to tell you, Julia, that you have a home with me for as long as you wish. Not just here, in Bath, but back at the estate or wherever else I may go. You are my favorite cousin.” Virginia reached out to squeeze Julia’s hand, then stuck her head around the hedge to check on her boys. After a satisfied nod, she met Julia’s eyes again and fixed her with a narrow gaze.

“I want you to tell me everything about your troubles. Maybe together, we may find some solutions for you.”

“I could not possibly do that to you, Ginny. I am supposed to be taking care of you during my stay.”

Virginia squared her shoulders and raised a remonstrating finger to her cousin. “Don’t force me to use my rank, Julia. While you may have been sent here under the impression you are my caregiver, I declare that you are my guest and it falls to me to care for you. At least at present. I will hear no further argument on the matter. Besides—”she paused and a little of the humor left her—“it gives me something to think on outside of my own troubles.”

After considering her cousin’s situation and attitude, Julia at last relented. “Very well. I’ll tell you everything you care to know. Where should I begin?”

“Tell me why you’ve been sent away.”

“My father thinks I’ve encouraged my sisters to be disobedient,” Julia admitted, her lips twitching upward. “Christine married for love, not connections, before she was to go to London for her season.”

“I heard the match was unexpected. My mother lamented being unable to take Christine about in society, but that was all I knew of the matter. Is her match terrible?”

“Not at all. She is very happy, and Mr. Gilbert will provide well for her. But the marriage is not what my father wished. If he could, he would have arranged my marriage as a favorable business contract and done the same for both Christine and Rebecca. But when I failed him, and then Christine defied him, I think he decided I was a poor example to my sisters.” Julia tilted her head to one side and sighed. “He prefers to be in control. Sending me away puts him back in that position. He wishes me to feel my dependence upon him and relent to doing things his way.”

Virginia shook her head and motioned to the walkway. They continued their rounds, the children playing without noticing the dramatic turn for the adults in their company.

“I often marvel at how my mother thinks on marriages and matches. She thought Charles to be beneath me, as he is but a baron and I am daughter to an earl. But I love him, and he had money enough, and an old family name. She relented, in the end.”

“I don’t think such a match is forthcoming for me. I haven’t the means to go about in society," Julia said with a shrug. “I am older than most debutantes and I have only my father’s disapproval. If I made a match he didn’t wish for, he would withhold my dowry. But I refuse to marry someone he chooses for me.”

“That is reasonable. But you ought not to rule out marriage completely. There may be someone out there for you.” Virginia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, watching her sons play.

Nathaniel Hastings’s infectious smile immediately came to Julia’s mind. But he had not worn an expression like that yesterday. He hadn’t looked pleased at all.

“I’m not certain that I’m suited to marry,” Julia said hastily, banishing Nathaniel from her mind. “Caring for my family’s home all these years has given me a frightful taste for independence.” She forced a light-hearted tone, and Virginia arched her eyebrows at that declaration. “Would a husband give me that?”