Page 81 of Lovely Darkness

“Me?”

“For fuck’s sake, Indie. We’re not going to kill him. I don’t kill people anymore. I haven’t killed anyone in a very long time. That part of my life has been over since Chek died. I’m someone else now.”

“Well, maybe you should introduce me to your brand-new personality because I have no idea who you are right now.”

“That’s because you refuse to hear me. You’re not listening. You’re stuck in this… this… this delusion. Your cognitive dissonance is really showing right now.”

I laugh out loud. It bounces off something nearby, and then echoes back through the darkness. “My what?”

“Your brainwashing.”

“Wow.” I shake my head. “All I wanted was to stroll in the gardens with you and explain my little plan, thinking you’d be up for an adventure, especially if it came with answers. But now—”

“What plan?”

“But you’re just gettin’ mean. And I don’t like it.”

“‘Brainwashing?’ Was the word that triggered you?”

“It was all three, actually.” I’m a little bit surprised that I’m willing to admit this, but I really do want Wendy to be in on my plan, so I’m gonna push through it. “‘Delusional.’ I don’t like that word. Don’t call me that again. And I know you think you’re so smart, and maybe you think I don’t understand what ‘cognitive dissonance’ means, but I do. It’s not like you weren’t brainwashed too, Wendy. We all were, so don’t be acting all high and mighty with me.”

“OK.” She smiles at me. “You’re delusional, you have a severe case of cognitive dissonance, and you would prefer not to think about your childhood brainwashing. Got it. Any other rules?”

“Why are you being such a bitch?”

“I’m not being a bitch. I’m just telling the truth. You don’t like to hear the truth because you’re stuck in the delusion Adam, McKay, and Donovan put you in.”

“Where is this coming from? I thought you liked Adam.”

“I do. I like Adam a lot or I wouldn’t work for him.”

I let out a frustrated sigh. “Then why are you talking all this shit about him?”

“I’m not talking shit, Indie. I’m just telling you the truth. Why do you think Donovan was brought in? They used him to control you.”

I find myself at a loss for words. So there’s a gap of silence between her last words and her next ones. Which are, “You don’t have anyone like me, do you?”

“What’s that mean?”

“Someone who calls you on your bullshit. I thought it was Nathan. I thought he was keeping you in line, but he’s not, is he? No one actually controls you, do they?”

Now I’m losing my patience. “You literally just told me that I’m being controlled by all of them.”

“No, that’s not what I said. I said they brainwashed you into some semblance of compliance. You’re totally taking this all out of context.”

My IQ is not anywhere near one-sixty-seven, so most of what Wendy is saying goes right over my head. Of course, I don’t want her to know that, so I reply back with, “I can’t tell if you think that’s a good thing or a bad thing.”

“I can’t tell yet, either.”

“Well, we both know who controls you. Nick.”

“So?”

“So? Don’t stand here judging me when you’re the one being led around by the nose. He’s corrupting you.”

Now it’s her turn to laugh out loud. “Right.”

“Truly. You look at him like you’re some… weak, pathetic, trailer-trash housewife. Like he’s the law in your land. Like you make him sammiches and bring him beer.”