Page 76 of Lovely Darkness

His attention snaps back to me. Like he was deep in thought. “What?”

“You’re worried about something. Maybe I don’t know you anymore, maybe I never knew you, but I can tell when people are preoccupied and you’ve definitely got something on your mind. So what is it?”

He lets out a long breath. And when he looks at me, his eyes are filled with worry. “I did something, Merc. I thought it was the right thing, but now… now I’m not so sure.”

“What did you do?”

He stands up. Paces the room and stares at his boots. Then he looks at me. “You’re not the only one.”

“The only one… what?”

“PSYOPS, Merc. You’re not the only one.”

“No? I mean yeah, Carter or whatever. He’s like me too.”

“No. That’s not who I’m talking about. Me, Merc. I was trained as well.”

“When?”

“Long before you came around. Long after I left. I was never really meant to be an assassin.” He holds his breath in, then lets out slowly. “And neither was Adam.”

“I don’t get it. What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I’m PSYOPS. Adam and I—we were part of a program.”

“Right. The Zero program. But you were pulled out. And so was Adam.”

“Were we?”

“Don’t start answering questions with questions. What do you mean you were PSYOPS?”

“What if—”

“Nick, don’t ‘what if’ me. Just say what you need to say.”

“I’m trying to. But I’m still putting the pieces together. So what if Adam and I never got out?”

“Out of the Zero program?”

“No. We’re definitely not Zeros. What if there was another program, Merc?” I open my mouth to object, but he puts up a hand. “Just listen to me. Adam thinks we might be brothers.” He presses his hand at me to stop my reaction. “Just listen. He’s got some evidence. We can talk about what it is later. But I was pulled from the Zero program, right? We assume this because Santos was the real… whatever you want to call what he was. Assassin? Cleaner? I’m not really sure, to be quite honest. But Adam’s life follows the same pattern. He was in the program, then he was pulled. He was given McKay, I was given Santos. And I know you don’t know Nathan St. James, but he was pulled from something too. A hunt, not a program. But that’s only because he’s not like me and Adam. He’s not from the same bloodline. He was in the hunt and then he wasn’t. And he was still alive. This is the important part. He was still alive at the end of that hunt. And he was sent to live across that lake with his grandfather.” Nick does air quotes for the word ‘grandfather’. “I think there’s something going on here. Something we’ve missed.”

I don’t know what to say. I’m still processing.

“I think…” Nick continues. “Maybe… we never got out.”

I don’t like that word ‘we’. He’s not using it on accident and he’s not referring to himself and Adam. At least not just himself and Adam. Because I got out of something too. I’m the one who got away. I’m the one who got a life.

Me. Nick. James. Sasha.

And now there are more on that list. Adam. McKay. Indie. Wendy.

Donovan. Carter. Maybe not out, but definitely not in a typical Company program, either.

And then there’s Maggie.

I stare up at Nick. “You’re right.”

He throws his hands up. Lets out a long breath of relief. “I’m right, right?”