Page 30 of Lovely Darkness

He looks worried. Like these words coming out of my mouth aren’t what he wants to hear. “How does it end, Adam?”

My eyes narrow down. “What do you mean how does it end? She’s going to kill me, Nick. Maybe all of us. Not today, not tomorrow… but next week?” I shrug. “Maybe.”

Nick doesn’t object. He just looks resigned. And I appreciate that more than he knows. Because if I were to say these words to McKay or Donovan, they would argue with me. They would pacify me. Talk me down. Try to be all calm, and soothing, and reasonable.

But Nick knows. Maybe he’s not afraid of Wendy. I’m not afraid of Wendy, either. She and Indie are nothing alike. But Nick knows who and what she is and that he must be careful with her.

“What about Nathan?”

“What about him?”

“She tried to kill him once. Will she take him out too? And if she does, who will she have left?”

I watch Nathan with Indie and Wendy again. He’s smiling big as he swings them. Like he hasn’t got a care in the world. “I don’t know about Nathan. I think the last time she attacked him was a mistake. He came home and found us in the middle of something. He interrupted her plan to finish us off. And she took it out on him because he was there. She didn’t even know she did it. But as far as who she’ll have left?” I smirk at Nick. “Who do you think?”

“Maggie?”

I nod, but my throat is suddenly tight and I am unable to agree with the words.

“Does she resent you? For taking her daughter that day?”

“I’m not sure,” I say. This is a lie. Of course she resents me. I took her fucking daughter. I kept Maggie for four years. I didn’t even really apologize for this. It felt necessary. It still feels necessary.

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

“You’re just full of fuckin’ questions today.”

“I’m just trying to figure out your angle in all this.”

“What’s your angle, Nick?”

“You know mine. I’m here for Wendy.”

“The cure.”

“The fuckin’ cure. She’s convinced. So”—he shrugs with his hands—“fuck it. I’m gonna find it.”

“And you think Carter is the cure?”

He sighs. “Not so much that. I’m the cure, OK? I did this to Wendy, I can undo it. And then, once she thinks she really is cured, we can move on.”

“Come on, now.” I laugh. “You don’t really believe that.”

“Maybe not.” He sighs again. “I would like a second opinion. And I want that second opinion to come from Carter.”

“OK. So why is Merc here?”

“You asked Merc to be here, I really don’t give a fuck if Merc is here.”

“I did. But you and I both know that’s not why Merc’s here. Just tell me, OK? For once in your fuckin’ life, just tell me what the hell is going on. We’re on the same side.”

“It’s us against who?”

“Funny you should ask. But the way I see it, it’s us against him.” I nod my head to the swing.

“You really hate Nathan St. James that much?”

“It’s not about hate, Nick. It’s about control. He owns a part of Indie’s mind. So does Carter, and Donovan, and me, and McKay. It’s very fucking crowded in there.”