Page 133 of Lovely Darkness

Sometimes beautiful.

Sometimes horrifying.

Sometimes soul-crushing.

And sometimes breathtaking.

Everything about the last three months has been all these things.

And I know it’s not the real world, and that I have never actually lived in the real world. But Sasha says it’s OK to press pause and stay where you are for a while.

I’m gonna stay here for a while. I’m gonna stay here, and get to know myself again. And get to know Nathan St. James again.

And we’re gonna get better.

Together.

One day though, I promise myself.

One day, I will move on.

CHAPTER THIRTY- FIVE - MERC

“So. How’s things?” Sasha is… well. Just the same old Sasha as far as I can tell. It’s been eight months since she woke me up from a Lectra-induced stupor and guided me through the marshy woods to the Old Pearl River.

I could lie to her and say it’s all good and crystal-clear. But it isn’t. And I want her to know that. But first, I look around my backyard to find all the familiar faces.

I keep track of them like this now. Constantly checking. Even more so than before.

It’s not paranoia. Paranoia is something you feel when you’re scared and you can’t quite make sense of things. No. This isn’t paranoia.

I’m not scared. I’m fuckin’ ready.

This is the first time we’ve all been together since that night.

Jax and Sydney are talking and laughing with beers in their hands over near the grill. Daphne and Lauren—not inside for once—are sitting at a picnic table, gossiping about boys and all the other normal things that teenagers do. And Avery, Lily, Jacob, and Sasha’s new addition—Maggie—are all running around the fake beach I put in several years back, playing some kind of tag game.

Present and accounted for.

So now I can face Sasha and tell her the truth. “Yeah.” I sigh. “I’ve still got questions.” But what I’m really saying is… I need answers.

She smiles at me. “OK. Your patience is probably running low. So. Shoot.”

“Donovan?”

“He’s OK. Getting better every day.”

“He’s OK? Is he a double, or isn’t he?”

It’s Sasha’s turn to side-eye the location of everyone present. “Of course he is, Merc.” Her gaze meets mine. “His grandfather did horrible things to him as a boy. There is no way to undo that kind of damage. It’s done.”

“But you’re mitigating it, or something, right?”

“Sure. We’re mitigating.”

“I’m not convinced. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not comfortable leaving that guy alive.”

“It’s not really up to you.”