Page 129 of Lovely Darkness

I picture us on the beach that night. The Santa Barbara mansion burning on the cliff up above. The way the black night was tinted orange from the flames. And the sound of leftover gunfire and screaming as the massacre wound down. The drug lord who took me. And James, who got away. And Merc in that boat. Saving Harper and Sasha when I couldn’t.

And Sasha. Begging me to come with them.

And me. Turning my back.

“I hated you for that,” she says. “I hated you for staying behind. For a long time. But.” She sighs. “You really did save us. Not just the people who got away that night, either. But all the little girls, Nick. Because we found so much information on that file James had. It took years to figure it all out, but figure it out, we did. And you made that happen. Your choice that night made that happen.”

Her eyes get glassy and wet as she thinks about our unshared past. Two long, winding, parallel roads.

“Anyway,” she says. Wiping her eyes. “I know exactly who all those people are in those breeding charts. The ones you found in town are the girls. Those numbers are the key we needed to unlock all the other breeding charts. Hundreds and hundreds of girls in those databases. Gerald Couture was one sick bastard. But lucky me, he kept good records. And the charts Adam found and showed you, that was the stud book. Yes. You were gonna be a stud.”

She smiles at me. Then actually chuckles. And I can almost see the little girl I once knew.

“Luckily, your father and Adam’s father both died in Santa Barbara that night.” She huffs. “So. Fuckin’. Ironic, right? It’s almost like… like we were playing our parts in some very grand plan to defeat the evil of this world. Because even though you were taken prisoner that night, you were also set free. Adam, too. That one night changed everything, Nick. For me, and you, and Adam, and Indie, and Wendy, and Angelica, and Nathan, and McKay, and Donovan, and Harper, and James and… thousands of other people, Nick. Thousands. So. Thank you for that. I really do appreciate it. And because I’m in such a good mood about how this has turned out I’m going to let you keep Wendy.”

She’s going to let me?

“Allow me to explain, OK? Because when I leave here, this will be the last we ever see each other. And I want you to understand, just like you wanted me to understand when you left me in that hotel room.” Another pause for dramatic effect. Then she continues. “I don’t run the Company. Adam Boucher can have what’s left of it. It’s still around. We all know that. But it’s literally been decapitated. They have to start all over now. The Company will be no real threat in my lifetime. So the next time it comes back, it’s not my problem. Adam can deal with the leftover shit, if that’s how he wants to spend his one life. I don’t care about that anymore. But I do run something else, and I care about this project very much. This is where number three comes in. Are you ready for it?”

I can’t speak, obviously, so her question is rhetorical.

“Number three, Nick. Stop. Hunting us. All these leftover girls belong to me. You have no say in them. I am in charge of the girls. And if you even think about coming after another one of my girls, I will cut your throat, Nick Tate.” She stares me down for this part. “I really will kill you this time. And you will not get another chance. So you will forget you ever knew anything about those girls. And if, by some chance, you bump into a stray one in the wild, you will turn your ass around and walk away. You’re damn lucky I’m letting Wendy stay. That wedding of yours?” She smiles now, shaking her head a little. “You got me there too. Because I was gonna take Wendy, Nick. I was gonna take her and give her the better life she deserves. But I can tell that she loves you. And you have a lot of unfinished business with that girl, don’t you? So I’m gonna give you one year to set it right. Do you hear me? One. Year. To cure her.”

She pauses again. Turns her head sideways so she can look out the back breezeway windows.

Sasha turns back to me. “I know what you’re thinking. What cure, right? What cure? That’s why you came here, isn’t it? To make Donovan tell you how to fix your fuckup? There is only one cure for who we are, Nick. And I’m really fucking disappointed that you never figured it out and Donovan had to tell you.”

God, I wish I could talk. I have questions! So many questions!

“The truth, Nick. That’s the cure. It’s as simple as that. When I get back to Wyoming with this information, I won’t be cooking up a drug for those girls. The cure is not a pill. The cure is the truth, that’s it. Once you know the truth, you can accept the truth. And once you can accept the truth, you can move on, and grow, and find your place—wherever that may be.”

I think about this for a moment. She’s right, of course. Lies are the sickness.

The lies I told Wendy, that’s what fucked her up. Even if I was doing it to save her.

If I had just… trusted her that night. Just let her see what she did. Accept it. She would’ve moved on. It might’ve taken a while, but she wouldn’t have spent the next seven years in some in-between mind fuck that I put her in.

“One year,” Sasha says. “And then she’s gonna have a choice. I will send someone to confront her and either she passes that test or she doesn’t. And if she doesn’t, I will take her because you will have failed. I’m rooting for you. I want you to know that. I’m rooting for you because I’m rooting for her. The Company has fucked up a lot of people for a very long time. But us girls, we got it the worst. That’s over now. Saving as many of them as I can is my life’s mission. Adam…” She sighs. “Adam Boucher is a lot of things, but power-hungry isn’t one of them. Tell him…” She pauses. “Tell him thank you for taking over when the Company fell that last time. And tell him…” She smiles. “Tell him that it’s over now. Tell him to leave this haunted piece-of-shit place and make a new life far, far away from here. Tell him to forget about all of it. Tell him… if I need him, I’ll find him.”

She lets out a long breath, gets to her feet, swats the dust off her ass, and pulls a syringe out of her front pocket. She injects Merc.

He wakes up fairly quickly, confused and stumbling as Sasha helps him to his feet. “Come on,” she whispers. “We’re leaving now. We’re done here. Any information you need from Donovan, you can ask him on the plane.”

I can’t look up, so I don’t know what happens next. Merc agrees, I guess. He knows where his loyalty lies. Certainly not with me.

They start to walk away. But then Sasha turns back. “Oh,” she says. “And… one more thing. Maybe you’re thinking… Wow. Sasha is handling this whole ‘I’m alive’ thing pretty well. All those lies and she’s not angry?” She huffs. “I was mad. But it’s not fair to be. Because when you think about it, I’m really the one who’s been living a double life all these years, not you. Anyway. Harrison is waiting with a boat, then we’re taking off for Wyoming.” She kneels down for this last part. Points her finger at me. Wags it. “Stay out of Wyoming, Nick Tate. And tell your sister I said hi next time you two meet up for your birthday.”

She winks and twiddles her fingers at me in a mock wave goodbye, and then she stands up, walks off, and disappears.

I catch just one more glimpse of Sasha Cherlin through the breezeway windows as she and Merc slip into the marshy woods, heading towards the river, with Indie, Nathan, Maggie, Donovan trailing behind them.

Little by little the feeling returns in my body, but it takes hours.

The sun is trying its best to poke through the thick trees of the swamp by the time I can move enough to get to my feet and stumble down the breezeway and back into Donovan’s makeshift hospital room. Everyone is still out cold. I check Wendy first. She’s breathing fine. All of them are breathing fine.

So it’s just me. Until whatever they’re on wears off.

I decide to use my time wisely.