Page 118 of Lovely Darkness

Partition his mind.

Welcome to the world of insane men who do heinous things in the name of medicine, Adam Boucher. If anyone finds out about this, you’re gonna be up there with the sickest of them, even though you’re not the one even doing the experiment.

Doesn’t matter. I’m the one who gave permission.

“Is all that OK with you?” Merc is asking.

“Hold on. Why do we have to wake him up? I wasn’t expecting that. I thought we could keep him sedated.”

“Normally, I would,” Merc says. “But we’re using Lectra.” He holds up the blue bottle.

“I don’t know what that is,” I say.

“It’s a drug,” Nick says. “You drink it and it changes a person’s state of mind.”

“Why do we have to wake him up? Can’t we put it in his IV or something?”

“No,” Merc says. “It’s activated by an enzyme in the stomach. If you push it into the bloodstream without that enzyme, it doesn’t do anything. So we need him awake enough to sit up and drink it.”

The room goes silent. Everyone is watching me. Indie looks like she wants to puke. Of all the people in this room, she’s the only one who truly loves Donovan. He was my friend. He helped me out. I put this whole thing in motion because I feel I owe him. But I don’t love him. Not the way I love McKay. I will be sad if this is the end of Donovan Couture. We’ve been travelling alongside each other for a long time now. But I will not be sick about it the way Indie will.

Still. We don’t have a choice. We try this, or we kill him. Those are our options.

“OK. I guess you guys know what you’re doing. Let’s do it.”

I’m pretty sure every man in history said something along these lines just before he changed the world in the worst way possible.

Doc Bolton nods, then picks up Donovan’s IV line and delivers a syringe of clear liquid.

CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE - DONOVAN

I am a prisoner in my own mind.

Is that what you think?

I’ve never really been… real. I’ve never been myself.

Wow. You are so delusional. What the actual fuck is wrong with you, bro?

Bro? I’m not your bro! I’m me. You’re no one—

Sorry, brother. That’s not how it works. But even if it were, you’d be the nobody, right? That’s you, Donovan. Pathetic. I’m the one in control. I’ve always been the one in control.

No. You are the sleeper. You are the interloper. You are the crazy bastard. The evil. The insane—

Good God, man. Grow up, will you? Why are you so stupid, Donovan? I mean, what the fuck, dude? None of this is rocket science. You have that big brain of yours and still you can’t figure out the simplest of puzzles?

Oh, I’ve figured it out. Like I said, you’re the submissive personality—

What personality? What are you talking about? If anyone is insane, Donovan, it’s just you, brother! You! There is no me!

What?

That’s right. There is no me, Donovan. I’m not Carter, OK? I’m just… you.

Lies.

Really? Let’s talk this through. Ready? You grew up the grandson of one of the most fucked-up men on the entire planet, in the history of the fucking world! He has a book. Remember that book, Donovan? What was in the book?