Page 43 of Gorgeous Misery

I press accept and start walking back towards the woods. “Finally, you fucking asshole. What the hell, Nathan? I’ve been calling you for three days.”

“Yeah, we’ve been a little busy here.”

I stop walking. “Indie?”

“Good guess. Nathan’s not gonna answer your calls. And I’m tired of you calling. It puts him in a bad mood.”

“Do… you know who you’re talking to?”

She scoffs. “What do I look like? A child? Of course I know who I’m talking to, Nick.”

My heart skips again. Because even though I’ve known that everything I’ve been doing for the past fourteen years was a risk, and eventually it would all catch up with me, I never properly prepared myself for the actual moment and now that it’s here, I don’t know what to do.

“Hello? You still there?”

“I’m here.”

“What did I say?”

“What?”

“That got you all tongue-tied? What did I say? Is it because I know who you are? Is it a big secret or something?”

“Yeah. Something like that.”

“Well, what do you want? I can relay the message. I can’t promise you he’ll answer me, and he’s not calling you back, but I’ll let you know what I find out. Even if it’s nothing.”

“Why would you do that?”

“Because I like Wendy.”

“How’d you know I was gonna ask him about Wendy?”

“Please.” She huffs. “Unlike you, I didn’t think I needed to ask. But. Do you know who you’re talking to?”

“Trust me. I know way more about you than you do me.”

“Probably true. Anyway. If you’re worried about Wendy, then I’m worried about Wendy. And doesn’t everyone worry about Wendy?”

I think about that for a moment. Because I always kinda felt that Wendy was well-liked, but it’s weird to hear people talk about her. I’ve only been a part of her secret life and whatever friendship she has with Indie and Adam’s crew is way outside of what she and I have together.

“But,” Indie continues, “I don’t think Nathan is in contact with her. Things have been kinda crazy here.”

“Yeah. I’ve heard.”

“Donovan is…” She lets out a long sigh. “In a bad way.” Then she goes quiet. It’s a weird quiet. And I’m trying to put my finger on what it means when she comes back. “I’m so upset over it, Nick. And I know you don’t know me, but you just said you know me, right?”

I almost laugh. “Well. I know of you, Indie. And I thought Donovan was dead. That’s what the grapevine is saying. So—”

“Cut the shit, OK? Adam told me you called. Well, Adam told McKay, then McKay told Nathan, and Nathan told me. I know you know he’s still alive.”

“So?”

“I love Donovan. He’s like… well. It’s hard to explain, but I need him, Nick. The way… the way Angelica needs James. You understand? I need him like that, Nick.”

I don’t know what she’s expecting me to say to this, but I say nothing. Because she basically just admitted she’s insane. That the only reason she still functions is because Donovan, or maybe Carter, has been holding her together. With tape, apparently. And not duct tape, either. That flimsy, cheap cellophane tape that barely holds anything together. Her grasp on reality has always been precarious but now it’s in danger. And she knows this.

How does that feel? I wonder. To know you’re about to unravel and there’s nothing you can do about it? It’s a mental death sentence.