Page 91 of Pretty Nightmare

He swipes a stray piece of hair out of my eyes. “I know you would.”

“But you were right to take her from me.”

“Indie—”

“No, listen. I was crazy. I understand that now.”

“And that understanding is the exact reason why you need to be in her life. You are her mother.”

I shrug. “And you’re her father. Now, anyway. I mean, who knows who her father is?” I hold my breath for a moment, letting the reality of that sink in. “If I was one of those teen moms who slept with a whole bunch of boys, and that’s why I didn’t know who the father was, well.” I sigh. “I think I’d be OK with that. It would be better than the truth.”

He sighs too. Like he has something to say about this. But again he holds his tongue.

“I know what you’re thinking.”

“What am I thinking?”

“You’re thinking, ‘Please, God. Please don’t let her lose her mind again.’” We stare at each other, “You don’t have to worry. I know I’m being silly right now. But I feel a lot better. I’m not angry with you. I’m really not angry about anything. But here’s the thing, Adam. Whenever I let the anger go, then the sadness creeps in. And while I do hate being angry, I hate being sad even more. Every time I get mad, it’s only because I’m sad.”

“I think that’s pretty normal, Indie.”

“I think so too. But they are both bad for me. I want to be happy. How do I get to happy?”

“Is it so bad right now?”

“No. It’s good. I think it’s gonna get better. But it’s hard to be here. It’s hard to look out that window and see nothing across the lake. It’s hard to wake up in this house and know he’s not here. And I did that. I have no one else to blame but myself.”

Adam lets out a long breath. “Indie—”

“No. You don’t need to say anything. I’m fine. I really am. Donovan and I are pretty close now. He’s my new best friend, I think.”

“Good.” Adam forces a smile.

“But I’m…” I suddenly can’t talk. And my lips are all bunched up. And my eyes are tearing up, and there’s a lump in my throat, and—

He leans down and kisses me. Right on the cheek. Right where the tears are. And when he pulls back his lips are wet with them. “Listen to me.” He pets my hair, plays with it. “You’re my number one, you know that? My number one. My very first.”

“Your very first crazy girl?”

He smiles and so do I. Then he nods. “My very first crazy girl. My last crazy girl, too. There is no other girl on this stupid planet like you. And you”—he takes my cheeks in his hands and leans his face down into mine—“you are loved, Indie. You are loved so hard, and so much. You own me. That’s how much I love you. And Maggie, she’s not mine. She’s yours. I’ll be here. Always be here. For both of you. But listen to me, she is yours.”

I wipe my tears and sniff, look up at him, and whisper, “Can I ask you for one last crazy favor, Adam? Before I go all sane and shit?”

He grins. “Anything you need.”

“Can we just pretend that Nathan is her real father? Like the birth certificate says? And forget about that other guy?”

He nods at me. But doesn’t say anything at first. Then he takes a deep breath and stands up. “We can do that. I’ve gotta get going. But you call me if you need anything. You hear?”

“I hear.”

“And I’ll be back tomorrow. And when we get back, Indie?” He pauses. “I promise you, I’ll bring you home a whole bunch of happy.”

I smile and chuckle a little. “I will hold you to that.”

He leans down, kisses my cheek one more time, and then grabs his bag in the hallway and disappears.

The next thing I know I’m waking up to the smell of dinner and Donovan in my room—this is not your room, Indie—banging on the window.