Page 85 of Pretty Nightmare

“I’m listening.”

“I’m sorry I left. I knew it was a mistake on day one. But I was afraid.”

“Of Indie?”

He nods and presses his lips together in a tight line. “She has never attacked you. It’s not as easy to get over as you think. So I just… poured myself into my work. And while I was doing that I had to admit that somewhere along the way, I turned into my fucking father. I bought a girl. And I swore I’d never do that. I swore I’d break this fucking cycle. And maybe I could talk myself into believing that before I left with Maggie. But now I have two girls, Core. And a packet filled with secrets I’m not sure I really want to know about. Maggie and I didn’t go to church. I woke her up in the middle of the night so she could help me dig up the grave of my dead brother.”

“What?” My heart is beating so fast as I process this. “I thought we were talking about kissing?”

He laughs, smiles. His eyes brighten. “Trust me, I’d much rather be talking about kissing.”

“What the hell—OK.” I grab my hair and shake my head. “What the fuck?”

“This is my point.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m losing, McKay. I always find a way to justify the means to the end. And it’s not gonna stop. Not unless I do something new. Not unless I break free of this cycle I’m part of. And you…” He sighs. “You have always been my something new. You’re my way out. I can’t explain that, but I know it. I have known it since the first moment I saw you at your family compound up in Alaska. I wanted you. I fucking love you. You, Core.” He shakes his head. “You are all there is for me. And I know that’s not a good enough reason for you to stick it out and see where this goes, and what I’m doing to you right now is borderline emotional blackmail. I have no right to ask you to help me, but I’m gonna ask you to do it anyway.”

I open my mouth to reply, but he puts up a hand.

“Hold on. I’m not quite done yet. I was wrong to take Maggie. I was wrong not to come home. I was wrong to leave you all alone. Especially since I wasn’t alone. It was selfish, and childish, and it was all done in fear. Taking Maggie was easy, Core.” He swallows. Hard. “That’s the real Adam, right there. The real Adam takes things. The real Adam takes little kids to use for his own purposes. Just like his father.” He pauses, his eyes locked with mine. “And I don’t want to be that Adam anymore. I don’t—”

I reach up and hold his face in my hands, startling him into silence. I can practically feel his heart beating inside his chest as I stare into his blue eyes.

And then I push him backwards until he bumps up against my workbench and can’t get away from me. “Listen to me. And I mean really listen to me. You are not your father.”

“I am, McKay. I’m doing it, ya know? I’m doing it just like they planned. And all this time I thought I was breaking free. But look at me—really look at me—and look around you, McKay. You have been trapped in this fucking life since you were nine. I’ve had a hold of Donovan since he was fifteen.”

“Please. Donovan does whatever he wants. You didn’t force him to stay here.”

“You don’t think so? Yeah, he walks away. But he always comes back, doesn’t he? Why do you think he comes back?”

“Because of Indie.”

“Huh. The same reason you stay too. How convenient.”

“It’s not just Indie,” I say. “It’s all of us. We built something here—”

“We built the Company here. We are the next generation of the Company. We broke it. And then we all built it back up. Even you. None of us got out. We’re all still here. Keeping it going. And did you ever wonder if this is just how it was supposed to be? I mean, maybe in thirty years our grandkids take us out. They rebel too, thinking they can change things. But they won’t. And we didn’t. We just reinvented it, McKay. That’s all.”

“Are you done now?”

He nods.

“Good.” I lean forward and erase the few inches that separate us. And I kiss him.

It’s a slow kiss this time, softer than the one we shared yesterday. His mouth opens and my tongue slips inside. His hand comes up behind my neck to keep me from pulling away.

But I’m not pulling away.

I reach down, grab his shirt, and rip it open.

He pulls back and laughs when the buttons go flying. “What the fuck—” But my hand is on his chest and he stops abruptly.

“I’m not going anywhere,” I say, letting my hand slide down over his hard abs. He looks down at it like he can’t believe this is happening. And I yank his belt open, pop the button on his pants, and slip it inside. His cock is growing when I grab it. It fills up my palm.

His eyes come up to meet mine, lots of questions in those eyes. “I thought you liked girls.”

“I do. But I like you too.”

“Are you sure, McKay? Because—”