Page 8 of Pretty Nightmare

“Who?”

“Oh, please. You know who. Adam, for fuck’s sake.”

I laugh again. “Now, why the hell would I kiss Adam?”

“Because you two have been in love for as long as I’ve known you. And you can pretend you don’t feel that way, McKay. That’s fine. It’s your life.” He sighs. “But Indie’s not gonna let you get away with that special little relationship you two have had all these years anymore. She wants us all. At the same time. She made that very clear when she left me in here and went outside to send you in. So I’m just letting you know, I’m done skirting the rules. I’m fucking present. And I’m giving up a lot to be here. I don’t want to play by your rules anymore and neither does Indie.”

I actually do not know what to say to him. But turns out, I don’t have to say anything because he just keeps going.

“Look, we all know Adam has a thing for you. You know it, I know it, Indie knows it. And if one of us confronted him, he’d admit it. But you, McKay? You just push back. On everything. I don’t know why you do that, but I have fourteen years of schooling and that means I’ve earned the right to take an educated guess. And my guess is you hate change, McKay. You hate it. You’re all about a fucking routine. You get up at the same time every day. You make the same boring cup of coffee, you read the same bullshit news, and then you go out to the shed and you work on something. That’s your routine. And you’re gonna do this, without fail, until someone fucks up your good thing.”

I point at him. “Fuckin’ up my good thing is my example A. I don’t want people fuckin’ up my good thing. No one wants their good thing fucked up. It takes a long time to get a good thing, Donovan. It’s not a gallon of milk. It’s not something you just go pick up at the Pearl Springs Market when you run out.”

He grins and shakes his head at me. “That’s fear talking, McKay.”

“So what?” I throw up my hands. “I’ve never pretended to be fearless. I’ve never pretended to be anything. I do my fucking job, and I do it well. And so far, that’s worked out for me. It’s kept me alive, at least.”

“What are you talking about?”

I sigh and run my fingers through my hair as I turn away from him.

“OK.” Donovan sighs too. “I get it. I mean, it’s an educated guess. But I think I’ve established my credentials in educated guessing. We put a lot of responsibility on you.”

I look over my shoulder at him. “That’s not what I’m saying. I didn’t do any more than you did. Or Adam.”

“That’s not what I’m saying either. You were responsible for a little girl with a fucked-up mind.”

“So were you. And so was Adam.”

“But you were responsible for her in ways that we were not. So I get it, McKay. She is something to you that she is not to me.”

“She is something to you that she is not to me as well.”

“That’s fair. But if we were five years younger, I wouldn’t be here talking to you about this. I’d just take Indie the way I wanted her and say fuck you both. She and I have been together lots of times, McKay. We practically dated when she was nineteen.”

“When did you two really start?”

“When she was seventeen.”

“You’re an asshole, Donovan.”

“I was only twenty-two.”

“She was a kid.”

“She hasn’t been a kid for a very long time, McKay.”

“Neither have you.”

He sighs. “We’re not five years younger anymore. That good thing we had? It’s long gone, dude. And if you really wanted to keep your current good thing, the one you have right now with that metal art you’re doing?” He shrugs big with his hands and shoulders. “Then you’d have stayed in New Orleans.”

“I’m not staying in New Orleans when this place is my home.”

“Exactly.” He points at me. “We’re building a new good thing. That’s why you’re here. But that scares you. Adam’s love for you is scary, isn’t it? And now that I think about it, it’s not just Adam. It’s everything. You’re afraid of everything. You don’t take chances. Ever. You prepare for shit. You plan. You study all the possible outcomes, and then you choose one path. Just one. And you go rigid. You plant yourself on that path and you do not step out of bounds. If I had a dollar for every time I heard you tell Indie not to take chances on a job, to just follow the fucking plan, I’d be a very rich man.”

“You’re already a very rich man, dumbass.”

He sets his jaw, then kinda juts it out a little as he chews on his lip. His eyes are locked on mine. Not as creepy as usual, but there’s definitely something behind them. Then he lets out a long breath and slowly starts to walk around the island.