Page 37 of Pretty Nightmare

“Why are you so anxious to get to the end? Why can’t you just enjoy the journey?”

“Because I’m fucking lost here, McKay. You…” He sighs. “You… are so goddamn sure of yourself. You don’t go to church, but you have all these ethics. You train little girls to kill, and yet you have this very elaborate bullshit fucking moral code.”

“It’s not bullshit.”

“It is bullshit! You don’t get to train little killers and hold your head up high!”

“Why not?”

“Because that’s not how it’s done!”

“If I say that’s how it’s done, Adam, then that’s how it’s fucking done.”

He throws up his hands. “I don’t even know what we’re talking about now.”

“We’re talking about us, of course.”

He laughs. “We’re talking about everything but us, McKay.”

I reach for him. Place my hand on the back of his neck.

He startles for a moment, then relaxes and looks me in the eyes. “What are you doing?”

“I’m gonna kiss you now. Because I love you and I practiced for this last night and I’m feeling pretty good about it. And I want you to be happy. I think you deserve it. But aside from that, I’m gonna do it because I need it. I need you to know that it’s me and you, dude. Forever. No matter what else happens, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not gonna leave you behind because I find a shiny new something.”

He frowns. Deeply. “McKay—”

“Don’t you dare say you’re sorry, Adam. Don’t you fucking dare. I don’t need the words. I need the actions.”

He looks at me. Straight in the eyes. And maybe, for the first time, he sees me.

And then it’s him leaning forward. Not me.

It’s his mouth on mine. Not mine on his.

It’s his choice this time. Not his father’s.

His kiss is harder than Donovan’s was. But Adam has always been harder than Donovan.

And it’s better. Because Donovan’s kiss was just a kiss.

And this is everything but a kiss.

His fingers thread into my hair and he grabs a fistful, holding me next to him, and his tongue is pushing inside my mouth.

And the most surprising thing about kissing a man is… it’s not that different.

But then again, everything about kissing Adam is different.

He pulls back first, bumping his forehead against mine. Then both his hands are on my shoulders and he’s leaning in to me. Almost hugging me.

So I hug him back.

That’s all he was really after. I realize that now. That’s all he really wanted from me.

Not the hug.

The connection.