Page 34 of Pretty Nightmare

I wasn’t going to help him unless he promised me we would help her too. And I fully understand that I am a piece of shit for ever agreeing to that deal in the first place. But if we didn’t buy her, then someone far, far worse would’ve.

But Adam… he broke his promise when he took Maggie away.

I get why he did it. I might’ve done the same thing. And I have done some very questionable things over the years and that’s why I need to set things right with Adam now.

But still. It’s not fair.

Even though six is still young, and Indie will get her chance with Maggie, she missed things. Things she will never get back. And that’s not right.

“Listen.” Adam sighs and runs his fingers through his hair. It’s a nervous habit we both have, learned from each other at a very young age. “I don’t care if you have a thing with Donovan, OK? I’m fine with it.”

“What?” I actually laugh. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“I saw you.”

“OK.”

“You were kissing him.”

“And?”

“So I thought you didn’t swing that way?”

I narrow my eyes at him. “I do not ever recall saying those words.”

“You didn’t have to. I came to you. That one day—”

“What one day?”

He points at me. “Fuck you, McKay.” Then he turns and starts walking off towards the lake.

I stand there for a minute, watching to see what he does. We’re both barefoot and shirtless. It’s nearly a hundred degrees out today and not a single cloud in the sky. He’s only wearing a pair of cut-off sweats that hang low on his hips and I’ve got on a pair of cargo shorts stained with the memory of days spent in my workshop.

He stops in front of the skinny gray dock that leads to a section of the lake that is mostly a sparse patch of weedy reeds instead of a proper fishing hole. He looks down the length of it. It’s far too skinny for its length. And the only personal memory I have about this dock is the way it sways under my feet as I walk out over the water.

If the water around it was less reedy, we’d have used the dock to set the candle boats afloat on Indie’s birthdays. But it’s not a good place to launch candle boats. It’s not really a good place for anything, actually. Except taking a seat at the end, slipping your feet into the water, and thinking.

And that’s exactly what he does now.

For a moment I get lost in time. And that Adam out there is young. We didn’t come out here much after I came to live with him. Old Home was a falling-down wreck and Adam’s father always did prefer the house in New Orleans.

But a few times we did. And the end of this dock was always his thinking spot.

Adam and Indie have a lot in common. They were both very troubled kids. He doesn’t ever talk about it, but I was there, so he doesn’t need to.

I sigh. This wasn’t the conversation I wanted to have with him but I guess it’s the one we’re having anyway. So I walk down the dock and smile as the gray boards sway under my feet—even more so than in my memory, because I am like seventy pounds heavier these days than I was back then—and I take a seat at the end.

There is not enough room for both of us. Two kids, fine. But even then, we barely fit.

And two grown men? I laugh as I bump him over and he has to scoot to make room with one leg practically hanging off the edge. But it’s a fair move. Because I’m half hanging off the edge too.

“Forget I said anything.” Adam sighs.

“No.” I shake my head. “No, Adam, I’m not gonna forget you said anything. I knew what you were talking about when you said ‘that one day’. I was fishing down by the river and you came up and asked if I had ever wondered what it would be like to just give in.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“Close enough.”