Page 140 of Pretty Nightmare

His accent is American. Always has been. I don’t know where he picked it up, maybe some Company official? I have never understood how we could be so alike in every way and yet sound so different when we spoke.

And suddenly I’m not sure about anything.

“Well, are you?” Carter takes a step towards me and I take a step back. “Where you going, Donny?” He laughs. “Do you really think you’re gonna get away this time? No, sir. This is what we psychiatrists call a transformative moment. Oftentimes goes hand in hand with its twin, cognitive dissonance.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

He laughs. “Really? Come on, Donny. You’re not really gonna stand here and refuse to see the fucking truth, are you? When it is literally staring you right in the face?”

I take a step back. He takes a step forward.

“No. Stay away from me, you psycho. Stay. The fuck. Away from me.”

Carter is grinning like a boy. Then he leans forward just a little bit and says, “Look down, Donny.”

And I do it. I don’t want to, but I do it.

And then I drop to my knees and Maggie moans as she falls out of my arms and rolls on to her side in the mud.

3.5 MONTHS AGO

HYPNOSIS SESSION #89

Donovan Couture – Patient

Ana Avery, PhD, LMHC

Counselor In Attendance

ANA: OK, Mr. Couture. Tell me what we’re doing.

Donovan: Jesus, Ana. I signed a stack of papers four years ago and we do this every time.

I can’t risk it. You know that. I’m not a doctor.

Funny. Everyone calls you Doctor.

Just play along, please. Be a good boy, Donny. And I’ll make it worth your while tonight.

You little tramp.

Are we going to flirt all afternoon, or do you want to have this session? Because I’d rather be having tea. We’re not getting anywhere. We’ve been stuck for over six months now. I don’t know why you even want to keep doing this.

Because I feel like something has changed.

What has changed?

I don’t know. I can’t put my finger on it. But it’s been a long time since we had a session, so maybe that’s what I need?

Alternatively… you could let it go. If you were one of my healing center clients that would be my advice. You haven’t had a nightmare in almost a year. You’re back at work in LA, doing surgery twice a week, and you’re teaching a class at Duke. Everything is going great. Sometimes I wonder if you’re just…

Just what?

Looking for reasons to…

Reasons to? What?

Not be happy? Sometimes people have guilt—