Page 66 of Tony

Still, the point is, I know him.

And this knowledge of him came naturally. We grew from strangers to acquaintances to friends.

And this friendship is good. It’s perfect.

But if he’s so frustrated about me not giving him a chance to move on to the next step that he might not want to be my friend anymore, then I have a serious problem that deserves a thoughtful solution.

What will my life look like without Vann?

I’m suddenly sad. Because this is the real reason I can’t come to terms with his request.

Either way, whether I date him or not, this… love… we have, it’s over.

It either dissolves completely when we fail at being a real couple, or it fades away because I refuse to give him a chance.

I sigh. And then the sound of motorcycles filters in from outside.

It’s going to be a nice day, I guess. Every spring there is a Saturday when the Vaughn brothers get their bikes out and the ride season begins.

Today must be that Saturday.

And then I smile. Because I know all the Vaughn brothers now, don’t I?

I know what Vic and Vonn and Vinn get for lunch too. I know how they take their coffee as well. Maybe I don’t know what Vic’s favorite t-shirt is, but I could take a good guess and probably come very close.

It’s very comforting to be inside their circle. Especially after all the turmoil that came before being allowed in. It’s like a stillness. A sweet, slow stillness that people look for their whole lives and almost none of them find it.

This stillness, it’s better than money. It’s a feeling of belonging, and acceptance, and… love.

Just… not that love.

“Fuck it.” I throw the pen and paper across the room.

I can’t win.

Nothing ever stays the same. That’s the only thing I know to be true. And this is why I’m so hesitant to date Vann. Change is coming. This stillness will be interrupted.

And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

So maybe I should just get on the ride and go where it takes me?

I get dressed, grab my purse, and go outside. It’s still early. Barely nine-thirty in the morning. Way too early to show up for work. Because if the boys took their bikes out they will probably be gone for a while. Probably even show up late for work today and I’ll have to manage all the waiting customers when that happens.

I sigh as I hop down my steps and walk around the side of the garage. And then I see Vann sitting on the front porch of the house, leaning against the railing with his knees bent and a helmet in his hands.

“What are you doing?” I call out as I make my way towards him. “I thought you’d be out on your bike with your brothers.”

“Waiting for you.”

“Me?” I point to myself.

He tosses his helmet up in the air and catches it. “You wanna go for a ride with me?”

That’s when I notice there’s a second helmet sitting on the porch beside him. “You waited for me?”

“That’s what I just said, isn’t it?”

His response is not facetious. It’s very matter-of-fact. “Where are we going?”