Page 63 of Tony

“What?”

I sigh. “My mind has been spinning for months. I can’t fucking sleep. I haven’t slept more than two hours a night for months.”

“Because of Belinda Baker?”

I nod, but say nothing. Because after all the chaos of the past couple months, suddenly my mind feels… still.

Soshee sighs. “Well, she’s a lucky girl.”

“Why?”

“Because she has your full attention.”

“Not anymore,” I say. I reluctantly open my eyes to look at her.

“I hear you saying that, but there’s more to it.”

“More? Like what?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

“I wish I could, Soshee. I really do. It’s not… romantic. I swear to God, it’s not. I just… have these lingering feelings about her. And I don’t understand them. I’m not in love with her. And I’m not jealous of Vann, either. That’s not it. I’m just… really confused about her.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I wish I did. Because if I knew what was causing this renewed obsession with her, I’d do something to fix it. Ya know? And move on. Go home. Get back to work.”

Soshee changes position so she’s on her side. She leans on her elbow and props her head in her hand. “Am I just a distraction to you and this little obsession problem you’re having?”

“No.”

“Just no? That’s it?”

“I know you don’t believe me. I get it. Everything about what I’m doing points to me repressing… something. And maybe that’s the case. But some secret hidden love for her? That’s just not it. I don’t see myself with her. I’m not picturing a future with her. I just need her to go away. And she won’t. She won’t get the fuck out of my head.”

Soshee stares at me, her green eyes bright and sparkly, like she slept like a baby last night after I left. “I don’t mind, you know.”

“You don’t mind what?”

“If you’re just using me.”

“What?”

“I get it. This is fun. But we’re strangers. And you’re going home very soon. Possibly tomorrow.”

“Not tomorrow.”

“Then Monday.”

“I don’t know.”

“All I’m saying is… I’m no stranger to a one-night stand.”

“This isn’t a one-night stand. It’s not even night. We’re not drunk or even looking to get laid.”

“I’m just saying I understand, that’s all. One date. That’s probably all we’re gonna get, right?”

“What are you talking about, one date? This isn’t our first date.”