Page 55 of Tony

“You good now?”

“I miss you so much.”

“I miss you too. But hey, why is Tony there, anyway? Alonzo told me that Tony is on a Caribbean vacay.”

“That’s weird. But OK. Tony says he came here for me. To, and I quote, ‘fuck me one last time and forget me.’ Unquote.”

“Yeah. That sounds like something Tony would say. So is he giving you trouble? Should I send Alonzo in to drag his ass back home?”

“No, I think he got the message. Besides, we did have the fuck. So he’s maybe good now? I don’t know. I don’t care about him. All I can think about is Vann and how he proclaimed his undying love to me last night. Because what if we don’t make it, Tara? And then I lose the only friend I have left?”

“Oh, sweetie.”

“I know. It’s stupid. But I need him, Tara. I really, really need him. I’m not even joking about this. I feel like every time I meet someone good they get dragged out of my life. And I can’t afford to lose anyone else, Tara. I’m down to the bare minimum of people who give a lot of fucks about me at the moment.”

“Stop it. We’re all still here.”

“No. You’re there. And my mom is somewhere else. And… and Vann is the only one I have left. Besides Tony, and he doesn’t count. He’s only here because he’s got some weird hate-fuck obsession with me and that’s just leftover junk from the old days. It’s not even real. And I’m sure he’s figured that out by now—”

“You did punch him in the mouth.”

“I did. So. Yeah. He’s gonna leave. Not that I’m going to pine over him or anything. I’m so over it. But… he was sort of on my side, you know? Kinda? And that’s totally over.”

“Mouth-punching usually leads to that.”

“I know. And that would be fine. If I still had Vann. But if I go on this date, and we become a thing, and then… time goes by, and we stop being a thing, then I don’t have anyone. And I need him, Tara. I really do.”

“Well, it sounds like he needs you too. This is how love works, babe. It’s scary. And messy. And even though the swooning is actually a good thing, it feels like it’s not at times. Because you’re invested, ya know? Really, really invested. So I understand, but you just have to put on the brave face and tell him all this. Did you tell him all this?”

“Some of it.”

“Well… I think it’s time for you to make your grand gesture.”

“I have to make a grand gesture?”

“You don’t have to. But if there’s one guy on this earth who would appreciate a grand gesture, it would be Vann.”

“It would, wouldn’t it? He’s sweet, isn’t he?”

“He really is.”

“But I’m not really sweet, Tara. I’m like… bitchy.”

She laughs. “You are. But honey, trust me. Your bitchy side is endearing and lovable. I know this because that’s how I fell in love with you too.”

“Aww. I love you too.”

“So you’re good?”

“But what if things go wrong on the date? This is our one chance to see if it’s going to work out. And what if—”

“Stop it. You can’t live like that, Belinda. Think of it this way—if you two don’t work out then at least you tried, right?”

“Yeah,” I agree.

But I don’t really agree. I need this date to be perfect. I need a sign from some higher power that Vann and I will make it. And that I won’t lose the only friend I have left.

I don’t want to keep saying this to Tara because I don’t want her to feel like she abandoned me. And even though I kinda think she did, she deserves her own happiness. And that happiness now resides two thousand miles away on Key West with a man called Alonzo.