Page 16 of Tony

Vann is speechless. He looks away. Looks back at me. Starts to say something. Stops. Shoves the truck into gear and pulls away from the curb.

We drive east in silence for a few miles, going who the hell knows where. Then he’s shaking his head as he mutters, “I cannot believe you kissed him.”

“He kinda took me by surprise. It’s not going to happen again.”

“Right.”

“You know what, Vann?” I point at him. “It’s none of your business. We’re friends. I like you. A lot. I wish I could like you more. I think you’d make a very fine boyfriend. And I think you’re sexy. And kinda smart.” He looks over at me and frowns. “And really fucking talented.”

“But?”

“But…” I sigh. “I just don’t have… you know. The feels.”

His jaw clenches as he looks straight ahead. Then, in a very low voice, he says, “The feels.”

“Look, I’m not trying to be mean, OK? It’s just… you’re good. You’re so good.”

“I’m good?” He side-eyes me. And it comes with a glare. “So good it puts you off, doesn’t it? You’re one of those girls who like the bad boys?” He scoffs. “That’s so fucking predictable, Belinda. In fact, it’s disappointing.”

Now it’s my turn to be angry. “I’m not here to impress you, Vann. I didn’t even come here by choice. I got stuck here.”

“You’re not stuck here now. You can leave any time you want. But you stay.”

“I’ve been here for eight years. Maybe I’ve settled in? Maybe I don’t want to pack up my shit and move somewhere new again? Maybe I don’t want to start all over? Ever think of that?”

“You could go home. Your best friend lives in your home town. But you’re. Still. Here.”

“You keep saying that.”

He’s silent for a few moments. I know what he’s thinking. He’s thinking I’m here for him.

And that’s not true. I am not here for him. I’m here for me. I planted roots in this town. I have a job I look forward to, a cheap, cool apartment that doesn’t eat up half my paycheck, and I hardly ever have to leave the old downtown so I don’t even need a car.

I’m here for me.

I’m not saying I don’t like Vann. I do. He’s my friend. But that’s all he’ll ever be. Just a friend.

I know what it feels like to be in love with someone, and I do not have those feelings for Vann. I just don’t feel that… that… obsession. I’m not obsessed with him. And maybe I’m romantically simple, or cliché, or possibly even stupid for craving this type of all-consuming, can’t-eat-anything, sick-feeling-in-my-stomach kind of love, but… I want it. That’s all I can say.

Except I don’t say that. I don’t say anything.

He glances at me again. This time the animosity has been dialed down a notch. “I’m just looking out for you, Belinda.”

“I get it. I understand that. But Tony and I have… you know. History. And he came here for closure. That’s all. I left Key West without saying goodbye and he’s probably just trying to fit all the pieces together.”

“Closure?” Vann laughs. “He didn’t come here for closure, Belinda. He came here for you. I took one look at that dude and I saw it. I knew him for less than a minute and I understood. He’s in love with you.”

“He hates my guts. He admitted that he’s only here to bang me so he can forget me.”

Vann guffaws. “Harsh.”

“Very.”

“But you still want him. It’s so fucking…” He grabs his hair. “Infuriating! Why do nice girls like you fall for assholes like him?”

“And not assholes like you?”

“You just called me a good guy.”