Page 34 of Creeping Beautiful

“Because… I missed you. I’m glad you’re here. I really am. But I think you should talk to Donovan before we…”

“We fuck?”

“No.” And then I just have to laugh. God. Why is this girl so hard?

“Before we what? Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“Before we… reconnect. You know? It’s been four years. I thought you were dead. I have spent the last four fucking years wondering where you were, what you were doing, and if you needed help. And you know what?”

“What?”

“I’m pissed at you. Like… a lot. Super. Fucking. Angry with you. You just walk out? Never come back? What the actual fuck, Indie?”

She pulls her knees up to her chest. Gives herself another hug.

And now I regret my outburst. Because she didn’t really do that. Not consciously. So it’s not her fault. And even though I did think she was dead, and I have been beating myself up for four fucking years because I didn’t realize how close she was to the edge, I was not, nor have I ever been, angry with her.

In my mind there is nothing about India Anna Accorsi I would change.

And that’s a problem.

I should want all the things about her to be different.

And I don’t.

I love her just the way she is.

And that’s… wrong.

“I’m sorry.”

God. I hate this. I fuckin’ hate it. “You don’t need to say sorry, OK? Everything is fine.”

Or it will be. When Donovan gets here.

“So where’s Adam? You really don’t talk to him?”

“I do. Every once in a while.”

“He doesn’t live at Old Home anymore.”

I picture our old house on the river and a stab of regret and sadness fills me up. “You went out there?” I try to imagine her back in that house. Or even just walking around the grounds. What was she thinking?

“I did. But it was all locked up and I didn’t feel like breaking in. When was the last time you went out there?”

I haven’t been out to the old house since… well, since shit went sideways and Indie took off. But this is definitely an off-limits subject with Donovan still at least four or five hours away.

Because everything went wrong that day. Everything. And when it was all said and done, I came here to my shop and I don’t think I left for a month.

I don’t even think I ate for a week. And then, when I did, I just called for delivery.

I played that day over and over in my head for years. That’s not even an exaggeration, either. I was broken after that. Never the same.

And yeah, Indie was too. We all were.

But I just felt like… like I failed her. And I get it. There was no way to prepare her for a day like that, but I could’ve handled it better.

I was the one who fucked up that day. Not Adam. Not Donovan. Not even Indie. None of it was her fault. We were supposed to protect her. Keep her safe. And she was not safe that day.